GIVING CHOICES

GIVING CHOICES

  • Authority, Character Training

GIVING CHOICES

I am all about empowering children, as my ministry is based on equipping parents on how to empower their children. However, I do not believe in empowering them BEFORE the child has first learned to submit. If you are empowering your young child by offering them a choice with everything you are teaching them, they are the master of their own world, which ultimately is not entirely true. Yes, they alone control themselves, but that doesn’t mean they are not accountable to an authority greater than themselves. Some things need to be submitted to, such as our relationship with God, our desires, Holy Spirit’s leading, stop signs, not playing in the street, harming another human, moral compass, relationships, righteousness, and so forth. We may be free to do as we choose, but that does not mean we want to raise children who are only motivated to respond when they are in control. I see parents of little ones so eager to empower their children. Yet, they are missing out on the required seasons of laying the foundation of character training and intentionally teaching children to submit to their authority. This is raising children who are defiant and full of entitlement.

Let me share an example: My daughter, who is a naturally born confident leader, went to babysit for a family. She returned and declared she would never do that again because the kids never listened to her. I encouraged another attempt. She again came through the door and stated the same thing. Not so eager to let her miss this golden opportunity to grow in her capacity to lead, I made her do it one more time. But this time, she came through the door and was most upset. I honestly could not figure out what was happening because this was a wonderful family. Shortly after, the mom asked me for a playdate, and we met at the park. Her toddler made a mess, and she asked, “Do you want a spanking now or a time out when we get home?” Instantly, I knew the problem my daughter was facing. When we got home, I asked her if she gave the kids a choice of when to go to bed. I asked if she gave them a choice of PJs. If she empowered them to decide if they wanted to brush their teeth or read their book first. My daughter was frustrated and said, “No, I just did what the mom told me to do with them, and they wouldn’t listen to a single thing I said.”

The problem was that she didn’t offer them choices, and the only way the child knew how to respond to authority was if they were in complete control of the option. This only works if, everywhere they go, people offer them choices to feel powerful, but that is not how the world is set up. Ultimately this is not true empowerment; this is entitlement. It is overwhelming to a small child who doesn’t even have the total brain capacity to always be in the driver’s seat. They are not orphans, but children set in families with parents who make healthy choices on their behalf.

A child must endure some training at home that establishes authority and how to surrender their will by trusting those God has given to care for them. The toddler years are when this is established and skipping this season and jumping right to empowerment will reap the fruit that will give parents a run for their money down the road. The definition of empowering means to give (someone) the authority or power to do something. If you give children something they do not know how to use properly, it is like giving a baby food before they know how to chew or a car before they know how to drive. We set our children up for messy accidents when we empower them before they are ready.

Do I believe in giving children space to make choices? YES! Do I believe in doing it before they have been first taught to trust your leadership? Not at all. Perhaps we can move away from the ‘do as I say’ control-based parenting and yet not swing so far to the other side where we skip some of the crucial character development that comes with being able to carry the weight of being truly empowered.

PRAY FOR THE CHILDREN

This will be a hard thing to read, but God woke me up at 1:11 one morning, and I felt led to share it. When things first broke out in 2020, I spent a lot of time with the Lord, asking Him what He wanted me to know, what His strategy was, and how to respond. Not so much for ministry, but as a single mom of my own four children. Please pray before reading. 

I had an open vision last spring that was haunting. I saw a makeshift tunnel that was sectioned off into cages. Children were in their own cages, but they were almost sub-human from the torture they had received. So demonized they were zombie-like, unable to move. It was fear like I have never encountered before. Some cages were closed and locked, others were closed but unlocked, and others were wide open. Suddenly the lights went out, and wild animals that had been starved were let loose in the caves. The pure horror of hearing the sounds of the animals, not knowing if their cage was locked or not. Worse yet, hearing the tormenting cries of the human next to you being ravaged to death. The moment it was over, I asked, “What was that?” If it was the enemy, I would have used my authority to rebuke it. If it was God, I wanted to know what He is allowing me to see. I pondered with Him for some time on this and heard Him say, “Pray for the children.” Something so deep, so strong, and mighty comes out of me when I pray for the children. This has anchored my strategy in this season of utter chaos and confusion, where our land is so divided amongst beliefs and opinions. Go low and focus on the children. 

As the parents in this nation, we must go low under the loud crashing waves and pray for the children with everything we have. Fight for them. Declare light where there is darkness. Wage war in the spiritual realm, where they are bound up by the enemy. Sound the alarm of freedom for those held captive. Drive your stake of righteousness deep into the ground. Rise up and declare, “Not on my watch.” Invite the angels and Kingdom of God to flood their minds, bodies, and emotions. With authority, declare Luke 17:2 (better to throw yourself overboard than lead a child astray). Cling to His truth. Be unmovable in your pursuit of the children around you. They are dependent upon you to cover and protect them. 

I strongly encourage you to spend some intentional time praying not only over your children but those in your family line, friends, and community. NOT ON MY WATCH! We declare freedom, protection, and safety for our children and children’s children.

FEELING SCARED

A friend messaged me this: “Last night, our son (age 6), who can feel things in the atmosphere, said he felt scared and didn’t know why. His father explained that other people are afraid of something he doesn’t need to be afraid of. This would normally result in many discussions. But last night, he said, ‘Oh, okay. Can I talk to Jesus about it?’ To which the answer was, ‘Of course, bud!’ He got quiet, the room shifted, and he fell asleep! Yay, Jesus!”

IF A SIX-YEAR-OLD IS LED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT TO TALK TO JESUS ABOUT FEELING SCARED, WHAT’S OUR EXCUSE? There is a KEY in this testimony. He felt it, talked to Jesus about it, and rested. It’s okay to feel, but we must bring it to Jesus for the rest to come.

SO ANGRY

We were on a ministry trip and my son could not shake his attitude. After days of it wearing us all down, I sent him to retire early that night. I heard him crying in his bed and went to him. He began to say, “Mom, I am so angry, but I don’t know why.” At that moment, I knew what was going on. A well-known Christian leader said earlier that day that they could barely sleep at night because of all of the anger in the church (over a particular issue). I led him through a prayer to take authority over the anger and to release the opposite (peace, unity, clarity), and instantly his little body shifted. If you have a child who can ‘flip like a switch’ out of nowhere, it could be that they are very sensitive to the atmospheres around them. I was this way as a child, and it brought about a lot of conflicts because no one, including myself, understood why I could be perfectly fine one moment and angry or filled with anxiety the next. In my mind, nothing was bothering me, but it was like something had come over me. Once I realized I was coming into an atmosphere of ‘stuff,’ I began to learn how to take authority over it and flip it.

TRAIN THEM

Years ago, I was invited to a mom’s night out with our local twin’s club and hungered for deep girlfriend time. I had four-month-old twins and just discovered we were pregnant again. Little did I know how that evening would change my life. These seasoned moms began to share the horror stories of taking twins out in public – each story topping the next with embarrassment over unruly children in public places. One lady raised her glass to toast ‘eating out in public with twins’ goodbye. Something about this conversation was upsetting to me. Maybe it was because I have often said that eating out was my love language (my deeper confession is that I’m not too fond of cooking). Part of me didn’t like being controlled by a child who didn’t even know how to walk yet, and part of me wanted to raise my glass and toast to equip our children to not only have the character to be able to enter all places, but to be a JOY! I went home that night, determined to do just that. We would go out in public, and I used it as an intentional training ground to equip our baby twins, soon-to-be-four children under four years of age, how to have self-control, honor, and respect. Years later, I am still reaping the fruit. I saw a need to equip hungry parents in the ways of Kingdom parenting, specifically as it pertains to healthy character building that models the heart of the Father, the original parent! Character firmly plants a child to bear good fruit. Your home will be one of honor, respect, and peace when character is at the foundation. Enjoy the journey of equipping your children to bear good fruit.

TRAINING A CHILD TO HEAR YOU

It is important to teach a child’s brain to learn how to engage, not just to listen. If he is watching TV and you shout out from the other room to do something, chances are his ears heard you, but his mind didn’t. Especially when they are younger, this requires intentional effort on your part, but you will reap the fruit for years to come. Stop what YOU are doing, go to them, get down on their level, hold out your hands, and tell him to put his hands in yours. You aren’t controlling him, forcing, or using anger to make him obey. If it takes 5 minutes for him to put his hands in your hands, that is okay. He is learning. Once his hands are in your hands (and you don’t hold on to control – he has free will), tell him to look at your eyes and then state what you need/want. When you start this, it can feel like you are spending so much time just getting his attention to say one sentence, but really you are sowing into teaching him about self-control, respect, honor, and engagement. If at any time he pulls his hands away or stops looking at you, cease talking and be silent until he returns his eyes to you, then instruct he puts his hands back, and the moment he does begin speaking again. It is okay if this takes time and practice. The other thing is that when kids are required to respond with a “Yes, Mom/Dad,” they are much more engaged in completing the instruction than when they do not respond. I worked really hard on this when they were younger, but it soon became the norm.

FEAR IS A WELCOME MAT

We invite what we fear. If you don’t want (blank) to invade your home, then do not fear it! Fear is a welcome mat; so is peace!

HONEY VS. HORSERADISH

Do a teaching with your children on our mouth and taste buds. Explain that our tongue tastes things that are bitter and sweet. Next, blindfold the children and lead them into the kitchen for a science experiment. Place a tiny dab of horseradish on their tongues and ask them what they think and then place a drop of honey on their tongues. They will probably beg for more. Share with them Proverbs 16:24 and discuss how our words need to be like sweet honey, not bitter horseradish. Practice role-playing some scenarios: What would words full of honey sound like when someone takes your toy? Is in your space? Has hurt you? How can you use words of honey to encourage others? Show honor to your parents and teachers? The goal is not the absence of negative feelings or reactions but to respond in love despite being upset or hurt. You can also take the opportunity to teach them how to be intentionally ‘sweet’ with their words as opportunities arise to bless others. In the days ahead, when you hear harsh tones and unloving words, call out, “Oh, that sounds like horseradish to my ears!” When you hear them speaking kindly, you can say, “Oh, I love the honey coming out of your mouth!”

This lesson was taken from our Character Counts SOAR parenting magazine. If you are interested in more activities, you can purchase your digital copy here: Character Training SOAR Magazine – Let the Children Fly

I RELEASE REST OVER YOU

Testimony from mom in class: “Ok, this is really awesome and timely because AGAIN, I have been having some trouble with my daughter taking naps, and I got to the point of frustration where I just had to leave the room for about 10 minutes. I got so tired that I finally texted my friend to ask for prayer for it – she said, ‘I release rest over you,’ and no more than 10 minutes later, she calmed down, and she was nursing and then fell asleep! AWESOME! Thank You, Lord. I needed to hear this because I have a tendency to be timid in my prayers, but like you said, ‘Your kingdom come your will be done **on earth as it is in heaven**’ So yes, Jesus came to give LIFE, and we have the authority to ask for that (John 10:10)! I love that. I need to take authority over anxiety and anger!”

PROPHESY TO THE STORM

We got addicted to a fireman show during the quarantine season. Over and over, these brave men and women would run into the crisis while everyone else was running away, full of panic and fear. This concept in the spiritual realm has so struck me. If Jesus lives inside of me, I have the fire hose, ax, and respirator to run INTO the building (crisis), not away. A fire untamed turns into a wildfire. Firefighters have one goal: Containment (the action of keeping something harmful under control or within limits).

We are to be suited up with God’s armor and the tools of heaven to defeat the works of the enemy here on earth. Jesus gave His life for payment for that freedom. Ezekiel 37 – “The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. … Then he said to me, ‘Prophesy to these bones and say to them, `Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD!’’” Prophecy is simply hearing God for others and declaring it.

I say PROPHESY TO THAT STORM! Your words have so much power, they hold either LIFE or DEATH (Proverbs 18:21). Model this concept for them by looking at the sky and lamenting, “Oh no, it’s sunny out. My flowers are going to wilt, and all the bugs are going to dry up. This is the worst thing ever that the sun is out.” Of course, you are being silly, but we can take something and begin to declare destruction, fear, and death over it.

Make a list of things that are affecting them right now and PROPHESY over them. “I speak to the fear and say _____,” “Sickness, you have no hold on me,” “I declare my city will be safe,” “I will have an amazing school year.”

FACT VS. TRUTH – A fact is something that is proven true. But the truth is unchangeable.

Example: Kids at school wouldn’t sit with me for lunch – FACT.

Something is wrong with me – LIE.

It hurts that kids wouldn’t sit with me, but I am still wanted and belong – TRUTH.

There are a lot of things being exposed right now in the world – FACT.

The enemy is winning, and we are going to suffer – LIE.

God is exposing that which has been in darkness, and He still sits on the throne – TRUTH.

Do not mix your facts with your truth. It is the TRUTH that sets you free, not facts. We do not live an evidence-based life but a truth-based life. Ask, “Jesus, what facts have I grabbed onto?” “Jesus, what is Your truth?” Break agreement with facts and align your mind and heart with truth.

DO NOT PRACTICE WITCHCRAFT. This is VITAL right now. Prophecy is declaring the future through the power of the Holy Spirit. Witchcraft is declaring the future through the power of Satan. John 10:10 shares that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, while Jesus came to overcome and bring life. Your WORDS decide which side you want to camp in. We all know what a lie is and how much havoc it can wreak on our minds, hearts, emotions, and relationships. We behave based on what we believe. But witchcraft is when we begin to SPEAK IT OUT in declarations. “They hate me,” “I don’t belong there,” “This is terrible,” “We are going to die, “This is the worst thing ever,” “This year is going to stink.”

Some of you have been practicing witchcraft by your words. What we declare in the atmosphere becomes our reality. With so much going on in the world today, we need to be extra careful of our words as we could be strengthening the wrong kingdom. This is not just about having happy thoughts during a real crisis but declaring the TRUTH in the midst of it. If my kids are upset and say something like, “This is so unfair,” I validate that it may indeed look and feel that way. But I help connect them to the truth by helping them see God cares deeply about unjust scales and is a God of justice and help them rewrite their prophecy to say, “This feels so wrong, but God is in control and can make it right on my behalf.” There are no victims when God is in control!

Facts serve as kindling for the fire. Witchcraft is gasoline poured on a fire. His truth is the fire extinguisher that defeats the enemy from consuming those in your home, city, country, and world!

“Jesus, I confess that I have partnered with FACTS and allowed them to turn into words of witchcraft. Jesus, Do You forgive me?” (and then wait to receive His forgiveness).

When I see a fire starting, I will run into the burning building (storm) and prophesy the TRUTH over the situation.

TEACH THE CHILDREN – Take a piece of paper and draw a heart in the center. Share that the heart represents them and things that affect them, both good and bad. On the left side, draw a gasoline container (like the one Dad uses to fill the lawnmower), and on the right side, draw a picture of a firefighter. Take an example, such as not being allowed to see their friends. Point to the gasoline and begin using words of witchcraft and doom. “I will never get to see them,” “This is awful,” etc. Now point to the firefighter and declare words like, “I will get through this even though it is hard,” “This is not for forever,” and “God will give me a creative way to connect.” Help them to see the difference in what side they are partnering with.

In the days to come, when you see your child (or yourself) pour gasoline on the problem, be mindful that your words contain life or death, and YOU PICK which one you want to declare.