If the door to fear over your child’s sexual safety is knocking, rise up and declare, “Not in my house! You are not welcome here,” and then invite the Holy Spirit to come as their Protector and Defender.
- Authority, Sexual Safety
This is a follow-up to my recent post about pornography.
I am getting messages from parents who are confessing this has been a real battle in their home, and they are bringing it into the light and dealing with it but want to know how to close the door for their children. These are great questions and need to be addressed.
“What do you mean ‘open/close the door’?” The Bible tells us not to give the enemy a foothold (Ephesians 4:27). We open the door to him when we have patterns of sin. When the door is open, he now has a legal right to influence, and we know he operates with the goal of stealing, killing, and destroying.
“How can my choices affect my children even if they were never directly exposed to pornography or sexual sin?” While these things are done naturally, there are spirits attached to sex in any form outside of God’s design. When parents are involved in sexual sin, it opens the door for those spirits in the home. Susie doesn’t need to see anything with her eyes in order to be affected by the spirit that was allowed in. Oftentimes for girls, this doesn’t translate into sexual behavior but a profound sense of shame and an attack on her identity as a female. Fathers are to be the covering over the home, and when the door is open, children often feel a sense of lack of security and unprotected. Mothers are to be the sense of comfort and nurture, and children often feel a lack of attachment or connection when the door is opened.
“What is so damaging to children about pornography and sexual sin?” Sex is good – by God’s design. The enemy takes what is pure and righteous and uses it as a weapon to steal, kill, and destroy. The main targets are a child’s gender/sexual identity, sense of worth/value, and protection.
“How do I close the door?” Two things must be done in response to sexual sin – repentance and authority. Repent means admitting your wrongdoing and turning the other direction. I realize sexual sin creates a powerful stronghold for many and can be a journey of getting free, but we can’t ever let sin communicate to us that we have expired Jesus’s blood. If you fall 100 times, there are 101 drops of blood for you. The second is realizing that the behavior attracts and invites the wrong spirits into your home and using your authority to close the door. “Jesus, I confess that I have _____. Do You forgive me?” Don’t just ask for it, receive it.
Once the blood of Jesus covers you (forgiveness), you can operate in your authority. “Sexual spirits, I see you, and you are not welcome in my home. I am forgiven for my sins, and it is by the same blood that I command you to go now. I close the door to you and forbid you from entering this home again. I will not give in to your temptation. You are no longer welcome here and are forbidden from speaking to me.”
Pray over your children specifically. “You may not speak to (child’s name) eyes and the things they see. You may not influence their thoughts and the things they think. You may not influence the words they speak or the words they speak to themselves. I command you to leave this house now in Jesus’ name.”
The Bible says whenever you tell the bad to go, you need to invite the good to come. “Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and fill (child’s name) with Your love, power, and peace over their mind, identity, and relationships. I invite You to stand guard over them and protect them fiercely. Fill them with Your truth and lead them into healthy, vibrant friendships that honor You.”
As the head of your household, declare what your house stands for. “As the head of this house, I decree and declare that this is a home of peace, growth, and love. We operate out of life-giving heart connections. We stand for truth, honor, and purity.”
We are forgiven for our sins and walk in His light.
Sometimes we have been exposed to things that need to be dealt with. The number one response from parents worldwide is childhood ‘reoccurring nightmares.’ The nightmares stemmed from kids being exposed to ghost stories, scary movies that mom and dad thought were cool, shows about violence, news shows that walk through murder, rape, or abuse stories, the COPS show, etc. I want to advocate that even if your child isn’t watching these shows, you can still be inviting fear into your home when you are entertained by what the enemy does! Parents, you are the spiritual gatekeeper in your home, and what you allow in will greatly impact your child. Which Kingdom are you partnering with? The greater point is that children need to be intentionally TAUGHT tools to use when fear comes. They do not need to be harassed day and night endlessly with fear. Jesus trumps fear… ALWAYS!
I went to get my nails done and took my daughter with me. The salon was quiet, and there were three other workers sitting down at a computer. We talked as best as we could through the language barrier. About halfway into it, this gripping fear came over me, and I felt really nervous. I could not figure it out. The workers began to talk to each other and move about the salon, and it just didn’t settle right with me. I felt bad for feeling that way, but it was growing louder and louder. I began to role-play scenarios and contemplated leaving, even though my nails were only halfway done. I wanted to whisper to my daughter to stay alert but didn’t want to cause her concern. Finally, I realized there was indeed real and present danger, and I needed to move into action. I began to walk in my authority over it by commanding the fear to go in Jesus’ name and canceled any assignments of the enemy. I prayed for protection over my daughter and invited the Holy Spirit to stand on guard. I had no idea what was going on, what could have happened, or what I was sensing, except my spirit felt sexually unsafe, and I have the power and authority in the name of Jesus to do something about it. Ironically, the moment we got in the car, my daughter said, “Mom! Did you feel that? I felt so sexually unprotected in that place.” I asked why she didn’t say anything, and she said, “I just invited Jesus to come and deal with it.” We can introduce our children to their ever-present Bodyguard!
I love this time of year when we get to reflect on the previous year and gladly welcome the new. It seems every year, there is a deep sense of excitement for what God is doing, but this year (2020) is different. I have been in a six-year journey of contending for my destiny and all that God has given me to do on earth. It would be impossible to describe the resistance and opposition along the way. Some days it was so loud, I had all I could do not to quit just to get relief from it. But deep down I KNEW if I stayed in the game long enough God would see me through and I would come forth not only purified but with greater authority.
IT’S TIME! It’s time to take back ground that has been lost in families. I get numerous messages each week from parents around the globe being bullied, attacked and held hostage by the enemy. They are overwhelmed, scared and feel powerless to help their children. Issues such as sexual violation, attacks on their gender, divorce, online predators, death, sickness, anger, drugs, tormenting spirit of fear, walls, runaways, disrespect, orphan mindsets, lies, hurts, offenses, bitterness, trauma are attacking many homes. I am passionate that Jesus died for ALL of the keys, and there is nothing we endure on earth that Jesus does not have a solution and answer for but this year feels like a tipping point for me and Let the Children Fly.
IT’S TIME! It is time to awaken parents to their God-given authority in the family. It is time to stop being bullied in the spiritual realm. It is time to give children the weapons of heaven. It is time to walk in the power Jesus died for. It is time to empower this generation with the power and authority of Christ. It is time to link arms with other parents and destroy the isolation. It is time to rise up and protect our children from the war on their identity. It is time to deal with our own childhood issues so that we do not parent from that place. It is time to stay NO MORE to the sexualization of our children. It is time to raise our voices in our child’s school regarding sexual education. It is time to align parents as Sons and Daughters. It is time to encounter the Father as a household and build stories together.
Who is coming with me? This is the year we are going to defeat the works of the devil in our family room and align our families with His power, love and purpose.
Picture walking into a friend’s house who just had a big fight with her husband. Now picture walking into a friend’s house who just got engaged. Both homes would carry an atmosphere – one would be uptight and anxious and the other full of joy. You would FEEL it before you knew the circumstances. In both situations, the atmosphere you feel is NOT YOU, but the events that just occurred. Many are feeling the ATMOSPHERE of dread, worry, anxiety, fear, and frustration, but that does not mean it is YOU. I often say to my children, “That is coming ON you. It is not coming from WITHIN you.” Why is this important? Because we can allow the atmosphere of the world to become ours when we partner with it, OR you can choose not to. Yes, we are in very uncertain times, but the weight of the world is not on you to carry. You can keep your peace, joy, and clarity even in the midst of the storm. Take a deep breath. You are going to be okay. You have what it takes to overcome. You can do this. Peace is a choice.
This is so important to understand that the enemy stands on the sidelines of your journey, watching God draw you near to Him and you responding. He has NO legal right to interfere, so he stands on the side whispering that we should be afraid that God will ask too much of us, that we can’t really trust Him, etc., in hopes that someone will stop, pause and proceed with caution out of FEAR, Rebuke that fear in Jesus’ name and tell it to hush! Fear (especially fear of God in this way) does not lead you. Holy Spirit does, and He always leads you into ALL Truth. God leads you (John 16:13), and His plans for you are GOOD (Jeremiah 29:11).
Protecting our children from online activity is an important part of raising kids today. There is a calculated and intentional mission to seduce and desensitize children. It is crafty in the way it entices a child. It can also happen by pure innocence. A child confesses to their mom that something really bad popped up on their screen. Mom checks it out and deals with the issue with the child. Mom knows it can’t be there unless something else was clicked on, and Mom discovers in the history that said child got really cold at night, so they typed in “how to be hot in bed”, seeking answers and solutions to her temperature issue. Well, let’s just say she got what she asked for in today’s world. It’s funny, but it’s also a sad and true testimony. Stay ALERT! Know what they are doing on their computers, check them often, keep connection strong and check in!
A dad approached me and asked for help with his teen daughter, who was saying really mean things to him, like, “I hate you,” “You are fat,” “No one likes you.” I asked what the consequences were for a child to speak to an adult like that, and there were none other than letting her know his heart was hurt. I encouraged him to learn how to speak firmly but lovingly to draw a line in the sand with her. NO CHILD FEELS GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES speaking to their father that way. He is indirectly teaching her that this is how you treat men, your boss, and those in authority. While her behavior may appear strong, she is actually feeling insecure. A week later, he told me the glorious story of how he lovingly but firmly told her that he would no longer tolerate those words, and she pushed back by accusing him of something he did not do. He was firm in speaking the truth to her, and freedom came to her heart. He laughed, telling me how easy and light the relationship had been since then. When the dad got back in his proper place of authority and covering, the LIE in her heart was able to come out. Together they dealt with it, and connection and peace reigned again. Fearing our children is not in our job description. They do not set the tone in the home, parents do.
We can parent our children by standing OVER them and using our authority in a way that dominates and uses fear (of your disapproval, punishment or lack) as a motivator to control. We do this through scolding, yelling, harsh punishments, disconnection, ill words, anger, and withholding. OR we can use our authority to get UNDER our children and see their weakness as an area we get to empower them and help them grow and learn. We do this through teaching in the time of peace, connection, kindness, encouraging words, tangible skills and solutions, believing in them, cheering them on and expecting more of them.