FEAR

FEAR

Fear is just a tool the enemy uses to paralyze us and stop us from moving forward. Fear always comes with a LIE. Lies are not true and are almost always in the tune of God being powerless, small, or absent. During the online mentorship class, nearly 99.9% of the adults mentioned fear from childhood that crippled them in some area.

There was a wooded area next to where we used to live, and we often saw evidence that homeless people had been there at nighttime. While walking one night, it started to get dark, and Lauren said, “We should head home now.” I asked her why, and she said she felt something, like danger. I wanted to see if Holy Spirit was warning us or if the enemy was using fear, so I asked her to ask Jesus if that was coming from him. He said no. I could allow fear to chase us home or teach my daughter how to stand up like a lioness and take authority over it. She stood there and commanded all fear to leave in Jesus’ name and then released a blessing of peace, love, and comfort to all who passed through the wooded area. Another day, we went boating as a family, and out of nowhere Holy Spirit told me to ask my daughter if she was afraid of something and her reply surprised me. I sensed I was to gather all the kids and ask them. Each of them were believing a LIE that was producing a different fear. It doesn’t take much in today’s world to plant the wrong seeds and for them to grow.

Spend a moment connecting with your child to fill up their love tank (if you don’t know what that is, start there) and then ask them, “Sweetie, what are you most afraid of?” or “What are you most worried will happen?” Instead of YOU telling them the truth together, ask Jesus for His truth. “Jesus, is it true that ________” or “Jesus, what do You think about ______?” This leads children into an encounter with the Father and not just a religion in their minds.

Childhood fear can be removed in childhood and not carried around with them into adulthood!

TRAIN THEM

I was at the mall one day and witnessed something that I wanted to speak into. A child was given a toy by her grandma while the adults shopped in a store. The child was happy and content. A few minutes later, the four-year-old wandered over to the table with perfume bottles and began to play with them. Grandma came and yanked the girl’s arm away, and the girl resisted. She went back to the perfume bottles again and was playing with them. Grandma returned only to scold the girl sharply. A power struggle broke out. I 100% agree that it is not wise for a four-year-old to be playing with perfume bottles BUT can we take a small tour into the world of a four-year-old? She was given a toy and that is okay, but finds something else to play with quietly and is yanked, scolded and reprimanded. How is she supposed to know at four what is and what is not okay to touch unless someone teaches her? What would it have looked like if Grandma understood she was just touching and playing because it was there and on her level of reach and in her mind she honestly did not know the value of the bottles or what could happen if they fell on the floor or worse yet sprayed in her face? How do you think the girl would have responded if Grandma got down on her level, gently held her hand, looked in her eyes, and said firmly, “No, no touch,” and began to train the little girl to honor her voice? Grabbing, yanking, scolding, and yelling, do nothing to teach a child what is and is not okay. It breaks connection and confuses a child. TRAIN them in self-control and responding to your verbal command.

BREAK AGREEMENT WITH FEAR

I am sharing a dialogue between myself and a mom in our JOURNEY class. 

A mom shared: “I definitely desire to have a deeper relationship with the Lord; however, I sense fear as a barrier. Fear of losing my children. I almost lost my daughter when she was an infant. I remember standing in that hospital room telling Him I’m ok with what He decides to do (heal or take her). He healed her, and she was considered a miracle! But ever since, I have had a fear of losing her again.”

My response: Thank you for your real and vulnerable post. I am so sorry you had to walk through that as a mom. I want to expose the fear in operation and then help you resolve it. When you walked through that experience with your daughter, it happened to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually (mind, body, spirit). God healed her, and she lived so that the immediate trauma was physically over. I am sure there is a vast amount of emotions that you had to process and are still processing ongoing due to her needs. However, I want you to see that experience also happened to you spiritually. It WAS a scary event for you, as it would be for any mother. There was a real threat of loss, and that was horrifying. Your fear of losing your children is a lingering spirit of fear from that event. The event is over, and your daughter lived, but the spirit of fear has remained. We could say it this way – that event opened the door to the spirit of fear, and the door is still open. We need to close the door and renounce partnering with it. We want to resolve it because in the spiritual realm, we welcome and invite in what we fear, and fear has no hold on you as a Daughter. It is there specifically to steal, kill, and destroy your peace and trust in God. I encourage you to spend some intentional time walking through this. 

Here are some steps to coach you, but let Holy Spirit guide you. Pray out loud, “Fear, I see you. You are exposed. I no longer partner with you over the fear of losing a child. You are a liar and not my friend, companion, or guide. I break agreement with the lie that torments my mama’s heart. I break the agreement that God is not in control. I break the agreement that I need to live in worry and fear over their physical well-being. Fear, I command you to leave now in Jesus’ name. You may not speak to my mind, the things I see, the things I hear, my nervous system, or my memories. Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and fill my mind, eyes, body, and memories with Your presence and Your peace, in Jesus’ name.” 

I also encourage you to picture taking each child in your hands and handing them over to God. He is their Father and needs to be the head of their lives as any other way will put pressure and worry on you as their mom that you are not wired to carry. Surrender their well-being, number of days, and safety to Him. As you do this with each child, then ask, “Father God, if keeping them alive and safe is Your job responsibility, then what is my responsibility?” Let Him teach you how to parent your children together, each knowing what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for.

I LIKE HER

Do you like the girl in the mirror? Do you wish you had a mentor who could cheer you on? Do you feel alone in a room full of people? Do you always feel this distance in your heart? Do you often feel like something is wrong? If yes, I invite you to join the two-week online adventure of being seen, heard, and valued. 

You can register here: Moms & Dads – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

CATCH AND RELEASE

Lauren greeted me one Sunday morning in her brand new (adorable) outfit, along with a scowling face. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “I feel UGLY!” It was intense, and she was really feeling it. I simply hugged her and said, “Catch and release, sweetheart.” I have taught them they can catch those sneaky little lies that wreak havoc on our emotions and release them. I didn’t have to tell her it was a lie as her agitated heart was proof enough that it wasn’t of God. I have empowered her to RELEASE those pesky lies and not massage, embrace or feast on them. By the time we walked out the door, she was at peace again. I asked her later how she was doing, and she said, “Man, that lie hit me hard out of nowhere.”

Let’s face it – as adults, we don’t always catch and release this fast, but this is what the next generation looks like when they are intentionally taught from an early age that they can catch the lie and release it. Teach your child how to catch and release!

YELLING

Yes, there is a better way to parent our children than yelling but you do not need more of God so that you stop yelling. You need more of God so that He can comfort and heal those places in your heart so that you do not need to yell anymore. 

HAVE I TAUGHT THEM?

When a child misbehaves, you first have to ask yourself this question. “What have I done as the parent to teach them?” If you have never talked to them about lying, stealing, hitting, disobeying, etc., and discipline them for their choice, it is nothing more than punishment. When you see a behavior you do not desire, you can correct it, but that is your clue you need to be proactive and teach them on their level right and wrong. Take a recent issue that came up. Ask yourself, “What have I done to proactively teach them in the time of peace how to respond? How have I taught them how to succeed in that situation?” There is a difference between the child who is being foolish and has never been taught how to respond appropriately and the child who has been taught and willfully chooses to disobey. Sometimes a child’s behavior is a reflection of where we need to do our part to teach, empower and equip them.

CODDLING NIGHTMARES

One night, Ellie had a really bad nightmare, and we dealt with it, but the following night she was afraid to go to sleep, fearing that the nightmare would come back. I asked if she wanted the nightmare, and she said, “NO!” Then I asked her who had authority over her mind. She does! I helped her walk in it and tell the nightmare it was not welcome in Jesus’ name, and we welcomed the Holy Spirit to come and play with her while she slept, which is exactly what happened! I am all for comforting a scared child, as that is part of our job as parents. But sometimes, we are actually encouraging the fear by comforting them instead of teaching them to use their authority and get rid of the junk.

POWER, LOVE & SOUND MIND

The thing about fear is that we can strongly dislike something so much that we actually open the door to a spirit of fear. Think about that for a moment – we don’t want something to happen, but in the process, we are welcoming it in. When we allow the spirit of fear in, it will wreak havoc on our thoughts and emotions, making us partner with it more. A silly cycle that ends up producing the very thing we didn’t want. 2 Timothy 1:7 is our weapon. “For GOD did NOT give me a spirit of fear (plug in what you fear), but of POWER, LOVE, and SOUND MIND (meaning your heart and mind are both in unity and at peace).” If God didn’t give you that fear/worry, then who did? Is that who you want to partner with?

Pray: “Fear, I see you and no longer partner with you. I declare that my GOD has equipped me with power, love, and a sound mind, and I will no longer bite the bait to open the door. In Jesus’ name.”

EASTER

For those of you who do Easter eggs with the kids, hide one that is EMPTY. Make a big deal about it being the best one. When they open it, they will be confused. Explain to them that the BEST NEWS is that the tomb is EMPTY, and that is why we celebrate Easter. The Cross is part of the journey, but the EMPTY tomb is what we celebrate.

EXPOSING FEAR 2/3

Shock and Awe

Shock and awe (technically known as rapid dominance) is explained as a tactic based on the use of overwhelming power and spectacular displays of force to paralyze the enemy’s perception of the battlefield and destroy their will to fight. This is true in the natural times of war and how the enemy works. The enemy takes situations (opening a bill in the mail, news of a death, low grade, car accident, trauma, etc.) and uses this shock and awe tactic on people, including children. Their entire being is on alert, much like a hand where all the fingers are flexed simultaneously. The brain, mind, emotions, and nervous system are overwhelmed, and in that split-second moment before logic and coping skills kick in, the enemy whispers his lie (“You are all alone,” “No one cares,” “Your God is not powerful,” etc.). When the body, mind, and emotions begin to calm down (like fingers that go back to a relaxed state), the lie remains because, at that moment, the lie FEELS true based on the evidence. The enemy then gets to influence us because we partnered with the lie.

Here is an excellent example of how this plays out. Many in the world are beginning to calm down from the shock and awe over recent events and are overcoming this tactic of the enemy. “No, no, no, I will not be influenced by fear. I do not partner with the idea of doom or lack. I will not bow down, lie down, or shrink back. I am a child of God with a Father who has defeated the spirit behind this attack. I will cling to Him, His Kingdom, His power, His voice, and His resources in this hour.” I WILL arise!