EXPOSING FEAR 1/3

EXPOSING FEAR 1/3

  • Fear, Heart Splinters

EXPOSING FEAR 1/3

While fear can be an emotion, more times than not, it is an actual demonic spirit and needs to be addressed. The enemy loves to take an event, even innocent ones, and whispers lies that feel true to the emotions based on circumstances. When we partner with the lie, we activate a demonic spirit of fear to influence us. It looks like this: Mom and Dad go on a much-needed date (normal) and leave the child with a sitter (normal). The child is uncertain about being left (normal), but in that uncertainty, the enemy whispers, “They are never coming back” (lie), and the child partners with that thought as their own, and now fear has a legal right to be there. While the parents return as promised, the lie remains because it opens something in the spiritual realm, not just in their physical minds. The next time date night rolls around, the child is tormented at the thought of being left alone. This is why kids are still afraid of certain things despite telling them the truth over and over. The battle isn’t just in their minds (lie) but is now a spiritual issue. This is why parenting is a verb, and we need to be active in helping our children with their spiritual lives. Lies are resolved through TRUTH. Fear is resolved through AUTHORITY.

FEELING AFRAID?

Are you feeling afraid of something? STOP! Turn around, face the fear and use the sword of the Word! Declare over your fear, “So we can say with confidence, the LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6). “So, with Him on my side, I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.” (Psalms 27:1 – MSG). Fear is not to be managed. It is to be dealt with using the Word of God and the authority Christ has given you.

DEFEATING THE WORKS OF THE ENEMY

These testimonies touch me to the core. God saved my life years ago for a purpose and reason. Our Heart Splinters book is helping scores of families around the globe defeat the works of the devil and usher in great freedom.

“I have been participating in Let the Children Fly ministry for almost six years and have five kids that are either adopted from foster care or have a parent not in their lives due to abuse. I ordered the Heart Splinters book, and it has been an amazing tool for me as a parent to help my kids resolve the trauma in their lives!!!”

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

CODDLING NIGHTMARES

One night, Ellie had a really bad nightmare, and we dealt with it, but the following night she was afraid to go to sleep, fearing that the nightmare would come back. I asked if she wanted the nightmare, and she said, “NO!” Then I asked her who had authority over her mind. She does! I helped her walk in it and tell the nightmare it was not welcome in Jesus’ name, and we welcomed the Holy Spirit to come and play with her while she slept, which is exactly what happened! I am all for comforting a scared child, as that is part of our job as parents. But sometimes, we are actually encouraging the fear by comforting them instead of teaching them to use their authority and get rid of the junk.

RESOLVING CHILDHOOD OWIES

What does a heart splinter in our children look like? A child of mine made a mess – a big one in my book. And then attempted to cover it up even though I have repetitively taught my children that coming to me is always the better route than keeping it from me. They lied to my face not once but FIVE times. Each time I could feel it and finally encouraged them to take some time to gain the confidence to answer honestly. They did, kinda (not really). An hour later, I invited them to talk about it, and their response lacked heart and vulnerability. I could feel FEAR from them and kept reminding them that partnering with fear in their messes would not help them clean it up. They commented about always being the one to disappoint me (which was odd because this child is the one who goes out of their way NOT to disappoint others almost to a fault). While I rarely use isolation as a parenting tool, I felt like this child needed to sit out and spend some time processing on their own. I brought them dinner and reminded them that I loved them but that three issues were going on. #1. The original mess. #2. Their response to the mess. #3. Their belief that they are always a disappointment.

They grabbed their journal and began to talk to Jesus about the splinter in their heart. By the time dinner was over, genuine tears were present. I invited them to share, and with great emotion, they said they asked Jesus to show them when they first felt like they were a disappointment and recalled a time six years ago. I did not manage my emotions well. She did something wrong, and it was the tipping point for me, and my response to her was larger than her offense. I remember the event well. I asked if they were willing to forgive me for the event and for introducing her to the idea she was a disappointment. I did not introduce her to that – the enemy did, but he worked through my choice not to manage my emotions well. Forgiving me removes the hook the enemy was using against them. We asked Jesus what LIE they believed because of this event, and He said, “That when Mom is upset, it means you will be alone.” I knew it was their truth because, when Jesus revealed that, great emotion came over them. Suddenly so many things about this child made sense. It was coming across like they were great at serving and kindness, yet it was really a fear of not wanting to upset me. Ugh. We broke agreement with the lie and asked Jesus for His truth. I had them sit in front of me and prophetically hand over the responsibility of managing my emotions back over to me. I handed back their God-given right to be a child, make mistakes, and learn from them. I prayed over them that Holy Spirit would erase that memory from her mind whenever she saw me having emotions, and it would no longer be an association or trigger. We hugged for a very long time. I invited them to go do something that would bring them great joy because joy resets brain chemicals, and joy is warfare.

Parents, I made a mess by not managing my emotions well, and here we are YEARS later, and that single event is still affecting my child. But this is what I want you to hear – #1. I do not partner with condemnation or accusation. I am on a journey. I make messes, too. God is still deep at work with me through my own journey of learning more and more how to be His daughter. I already asked for forgiveness when the event happened, and I am forgiven. I cannot and do not allow the enemy to spank me for what Jesus has already paid the price for (someone needed to hear that!). #2. THIS lie would have come up in my child’s future marriage when their spouse got upset with them or when they became a parent. It would have created bad fruit, and finally, they would have gone to someone for help, and what would Jesus have shown them? That when they were younger, their mother didn’t manage her emotions well, which created a lie.

THE FACT THAT WE CAN RESOLVE THIS **IN** CHILDHOOD IS HEAVEN ON EARTH. I told them when they went to bed, “I am SO glad you made a mess today because Jesus used it to reveal something so deep inside your heart, and today you got set free from a lie that would have shaped your life.”

Want to learn more? Order your copy of Heart Splinters – Resolving Childhood Owies In Childhood. Read it together as a family. Learn the tools of heaven together. Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

LOOK AT THE HEART

Oh, that we would grasp this revelation and run our homes and churches to reflect the Father’s heart.

Hudson has been a bear – like the mean grizzly kind. He would not heed the multiple warnings and continued to operate out of disrespect for all of those around him. Finally, in frustration, someone walked away and said they could no longer be around him. He found himself disconnected from the group. The next morning as he was cleaning up his mess, he created another one, but this one had serious consequences. I was so frustrated as I felt like we kept putting out fires but never getting to the source. I  knew I had to go deeper into getting the Lord’s heart and strategy for him, as he was clearly stuck in a cycle. As we asked Jesus, he said he wanted revenge (which is exactly how he was acting). We asked Jesus to show us what he wanted revenge for, and he started crying. He said the girls kept ignoring him. I called a family meeting, and we began to realize that we thought the girls were responding because Hudson was being unkind, but in reality, the girls were the ones not being loving, and it was causing him to feel rejected and like he didn’t belong in his own family (which was the root of his behavior).

All the discipline in the world would not have addressed the real issue – the girl’s hearts. He was not the ISSUE. His behavior was simply waving a FLAG that there was an issue. I went from being so frustrated with him to being so thankful for his reaction because it alerted me to something greater for the girls.

WHAT DOES JESUS SEE?

When I was in my early 20s, I was roommates with a gal who was younger than me but more mature in every way. I would describe her as having Jesus in one hand and my hand in the other, and she would constantly introduce us in new ways. I learned so much from her. One day I had an appointment to get my car worked on, and she agreed to pick me up. I got my car checked in and was waiting outside for her. She was late – like really late. I wandered the sidewalk for over 30 minutes, growing more and more agitated. When she finally appeared, she found me in my car, speeding off without having the work done. I was mad. VERY mad. I punished her with the silent treatment and refused to talk to her. Over the years, I felt bad for how I treated her and gained some maturity in realizing that it was pretty lame of me to be so upset when she was going out of her way to help me. The memory always told the story of my bad behavior and being so rude, but I heard God say, “Ask Me to show you what I saw,” and I saw this picture in my mind of a little girl shaking; she was so scared by being left alone at night outside. She was surrounded by fear and intimidation as she was utterly unprotected and vulnerable. I realized at that moment my reaction to her had little to do with a friend who was late to pick me up and more about it triggering my memory of being vulnerable, alone, and left behind. My strong reaction was not about being impatient but about trying to feel protected and safe again. Over the years, I have learned about these splinters in our hearts that cause big reactions when touched. God does not want us to manage them but be FREE from them.

How about you? Do you have a memory that pops up often in your mind that tells the story of how ‘bad’ or wrong you behaved? Ask Jesus to show you what He sees.

APRIL SHOWERS

I heard the Lord say to me, “April showers bring May flowers,” and was reminded of the scene in The Shack where Sarayu (Holy Spirit) was collecting the tears of Mack, who was deeply grieving the devastating loss of his daughter. Later in the movie, Sarayu used those same tears to water the seeds that would become a massive tree. God is doing something profoundly deep within you in this season. Spiritual Daughters, I am so proud of you! I am proud of the one who stepped away and caught her breath. I am proud of the one who went outside to let the tears flow. I am proud of the one who chose faith over fear. I am proud of the one who showed her gorgeous vulnerability. I am proud of the one who sobbed in her closet. I am proud of the one who called a friend and shared her heart. I am so proud of the one who owned her heart and what she was feeling. I am so proud of the one who kept her eyes on Jesus. I am proud of the one who dropped to her knees, asking God for help. I am so proud of you for choosing to let God have His way with you and not medicating your heart with the novocain of the world. The only way to lessen the pain is to feel it. Let Jesus continue to have His way with you, and He will allow those tears to blossom into something so beautiful.

NO FEAR

Love this testimony from my friend about how she walked in her authority as a parent. We don’t manage the fear; we deal with it.

“My son has been fearful of blood/bleeding ever since his pinky finger accident in January. This week he got his first wiggly tooth, and I immediately saw fear come when we talked; he said he was afraid because when the tooth comes out, it will bleed. He talked about his wiggly tooth constantly for days (not wanting to play certain games/eat certain foods because his tooth might come out). 2 nights ago, I went into his room while he was sleeping and commanded fear to leave him, that he wouldn’t fear bleeding, and would have joy in the process of losing his tooth. The next day he didn’t bring up his wiggly tooth AT ALL, and, this morning, he came out and wanted all the family to wiggle his tooth because it was more wiggly, and he was EXCITED about it… NO FEAR!”

CROOKED GRIEF

Does your child have an increased issue using hurtful tones and snapping words? If so, it could be GRIEF! Children are grieving. They have lost the world known to them. They have lost what was important to them. They have lost what is familiar. They have lost connection. They have lost their sense of belonging (which comes from peers). Managing their behavior is only helpful if their behavior is rooted in their flesh or ill character. If their behavior is because of grief, we must help them process their pain. Pain is messy, and we must be willing to see what is really going on in their hearts if we want them to overcome this very challenging season. How? Children respond well to VERBS to help process their hearts. Ask them to draw a picture of how their heart feels. Set up daily phone calls with someone outside of the family. Create a zoom call with their favorite classmates. Let them email or text their teacher. Buy them a special stuffed animal to cuddle with when they are sad. Let them see their friends! Create a special party for someone they haven’t seen in a while. Buy them a journal to write how they feel. Set up a time for them to spend the night elsewhere. Ask Holy Spirit what their heart needs!!