Simply put, if you are not partnering with God in your parenting, you are going to know an increase of frustration, stress, and anxiety. You were never meant to figure it out on your own. Your child comes with a manual – EMMANUEL (God with us)! The heartbeat of Let the Children Fly is to teach you how to partner with Him in your parenting.
Many of us were taught that the Biblical picture of the family is God, father, mother, and child, in that order of authority and rank. That is not the full view of God’s purpose for FAMILY. God should always be the center of all we do, including marriage and parenting. Yes, parents hold authority, covering, and wisdom above the child, but the part that is missing is that God knits together a child and sends them into your family to BLESS you. We receive from them just as much as they receive from us. As parents, we diligently teach and train our children. God uses our children to teach and train the parts of us that are out of alignment (generally from our own lack in childhood). Just like a child who is told to honor and obey their parents, we must receive the teaching and training God is giving us through our children. A better picture of how God intended family to operate would be a circle. Parents empower children using their wisdom, knowledge, and maturity. Children reveal what is in a parent that needs to come into alignment to increase capacity, abundance, and fruit.
A mom wrote: “I’ve realized this year just how much having children pushes on and exposes my childhood trauma. I have been facing brokenness I never knew existed until kids. It is HARD!! I so wish I could have gotten healing before I had kids! I hate that they are the victims of my process!”
My response to all parents – Oh, sweet friend. No, no, no, they are not victims of your process. God knew before He knit them together what you did/didn’t receive. He knit them together in HIS image, but with you in mind. It is God’s love for you that your children carry something that touches that part in you that needs healing and alignment. This is called FAMILY by God’s design. If you make a mess, you need to make it right with them, but there is nothing but grace in the process. Staying that way long term and hardening yourself to growth is how we pass it on to the next generation. But seeing our messy places AND doing something about it is GLORIOUS. You are allowing Him to crash in those places. Your children lack nothing because God is working this out. Your breakthrough is their inheritance. He is covering you today, sweet one!
Dear Lord, I declare that I am more than enough for my children and that I was hand-picked for the job to train them. God, You have entrusted me with much, and I will steward it well. Amen.
I woke up to find a note slipped under my hotel room door informing me I had a gift waiting for me at the front desk. It was a box of chocolates from a precious friend. I was greeted with many sweet messages from friends who wanted me to know they loved me. One friend messaged me wondering if Valentine’s Day was hard for me being a single woman, and I responded NO. Not at all, because it has always been a day about love, and I feel so well-loved. Romantic love is one thing, but love is universal between parent and child, siblings, friends, mentors, and spiritual children, and I have a life packed with love. However, this morning I was struck by my emotions. I slipped out of bed early like I always do and sat quietly before the Lord with my hot cup of coffee. My mind drifted to my mom. Tears began to flow. I have lived my life longer without her than with her, and suddenly I felt like a little girl wanting my mommy again. It overwhelmed me. Losing a parent at an early age has a profound impact on you and forces you to fill those parenting needs and longings elsewhere. God has been so good and faithful to me over the years by always planting me in a community where I am seen and loved well. But today, I am a little girl who was able to connect to the love of my mom, and it touched me so deeply.
Moms, no matter what you have done, no matter what your journey looks like, no matter how many times you have blown it, you are still the one and only one who gets to be called their mom. Go hug your children today and remind them of your deep and fierce love for them.
We want to model our home after His and allow our children to taste and see that His ways are good so that when they are older, they will not be enticed by what the world has to offer them. I am not talking about legalistic head knowledge of ‘thou shall not’ but the ability to experience it as part of their own journey. Let me give you some practical examples.
Stealing – God says do not steal. When we set up our homes with a value system for not stealing, we are teaching our children that God’s ways work. To steal means to open yourself up for discipline, consequences, and broken trust. We are allowing them to taste and see that God’s ways work. We give them the message, “It isn’t going well for you because you have chosen something outside of God’s protection for you, i.e., stealing.” To ask for something and be denied is hard on the flesh, but as children learn to accept the ‘no’ answers in life it builds character, which will profit them for a lifetime. We don’t punish our children because they chose something outside of God’s best, we use it as a teachable moment to show them why it is important not to steal. (Not saying consequences aren’t warranted, I am saying we don’t want to use Biblical standards for our children and then punish them for not honoring it).
Respect – God says honor your mother and father. When we set up our homes to reflect a core value of honoring authority, we are providing for them covering and protection. This is showing them the beauty of God’s Kingdom. When we allow our children to walk all over us and be rude and disrespectful, we are subjecting them to insecurity, lack of favor and broken connection. They will experience God’s Kingdom by being taught to walk in respect and honor for those in authority over them. Once the twins started high school, they witnessed things they didn’t see in their Christian school. Naturally, I was concerned how this would affect them but because I built a foundation around their identity, we continued to use it as a teachable moment. One day my daughter came home and said, “Mom, I always knew you told us why it was important to walk in who we are, but today I saw with my own eyes what it looks like to have a life not knowing who you are.” Another time she came home really hurt by someone who acted like a true spiritual orphan. She understood the hurt was stemming from them not knowing Jesus and went in her room and wept for them. She spent nearly two hours in her room praying, crying and journaling. When she came out, she said, “Mom, I have got to have more of Jesus. I couldn’t imagine a life without Him.”
Does our parenting model heaven? Think about it – spankings, punish, taking away favorite possessions, isolation, harsh words spoken, exasperated parents… Could there be a better way? God is our perfect Father and knows how to run a family well. Is our parenting modeled to look like heaven? Does God give us three warnings and we are out? Does God spank us and then just leave us to deal with our mess? Does God isolate us when what we really need is enlightenment, understanding or better tools? Is He mad at us when we are acting out the hurt and pain in our heart? Is overwhelmed by our needs? Please hear my heart. I am NOT saying discipline, spankings, or time alone can’t be a valuable tool. I AM saying that when those are the ONLY tools in our parenting tool belt, we might be missing the mark. If it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance, could it be some of our control-based parenting tools aren’t bearing good fruit simply because we aren’t modeling it after God’s Kingdom?
Finding pockets of joy is a deal-breaker in the midst of the battle because it increases a chemical in our brain that gives us the will to endure hard things. Laughing when you are heavy is hard, but it is one of the greatest muscles you can utilize in the midst of a battle. Make a list of 3-5 things that would bring your heart a smile – DO IT!
Do you have bad days? Want to learn how to flip them for good? Be encouraged by this testimony from a mom.
“The kids have been at each other all week long. I have felt tired and overwhelmed and just wanted a break. The other night, it had reached terrible limits. My patience was so thin. So, when my middle child, usually one so full of delight, ran away from me in a fit of anger that was so unlike her and hid in her room, I was angry. The Lord whispered to me, reminding me that this was a special moment. I listened to Him. I went up to her, and though she turned away from me, I sat next to her and hugged her. I asked her what was wrong, and she shared. I began to ask her if what she was feeling was true or a lie. She identified it as a lie. Then I reminded her that God never lies. I asked her where the lies were coming from. And from there, I spoke the truth over her. The truth of God. It was such a beautiful moment. One that had been so charged with anger only minutes before had become a time for me to affirm my daughter.”
Ellie had a school fundraiser where she had to run a long course, and along the way, they throw colored powder on the runners. Super fun! The morning of the run, she said she was worried about running. I asked her why since she usually is quite fast and does well. She said, “I am so afraid I will come in last.” Together we asked Jesus to show her what she was so afraid of with coming in last, and she said, “People will think I am not good enough.” We talked about the truth that SOMEONE has to arrive first, and there is always someone at the end. That’s life. But we want to make sure that we aren’t carrying LIES about our worth and value if we come in first OR last. Jesus showed her that when she carries the weight of worry and anxiety, she is slowing herself down and not doing her best. I had her confess to Jesus that she was partnering with worry, and she asked Him to help her run HER best. Jesus is building her life story and had a lesson that she can choose to partner with worry and anxiety or trust Him to help her. A lesson that she will need to choose for the rest of her life.
You are not the potter; He is. We must shift from the parenting mindset of ‘shaping’ and ‘molding’ our children into something and learn how to partner, call forth, and pull out what God has ALREADY created them to be. Isaiah 64:8.
I was talking about JOY and CONNECTION in class one day, and this is what one mom shared.
“The Lord told me that I was made for JOY, and I need to experience that with my kids. I am always the ‘get things done’ one, and my husband is more the ‘fun’ one. So the Lord told me to do something with my kids they would never expect from me – something that would make the biggest mess and bring so much laughter. This is with a vision of a chocolate syrup fight with my kids in the backyard. (EEEEEEKKKKK! The mess! The stains! The waste! Sticky chocolate fingerprints everywhere… ahhhhh! Hahaha.) We haven’t done it yet, but five bottles of chocolate syrup are on the grocery list. Lord have mercy!”
For family devotions, each child asked Jesus for a verse. Hudson heard, “God is our strength.” I felt like we were supposed to say it out loud a couple of times. We often take this verse to say God makes US strong so we can be powerful, but the verse is actually saying HE is the strength. Our muscles are actually HIMSELF. This is a game-changer – we aren’t called to be powerful and strong in ourselves. We are called to have HIS power and strength.
