DOING CHURCH AS A FAMILY

DOING CHURCH AS A FAMILY

  • Family Devotions, Kingdom Parenting

DOING CHURCH AS A FAMILY

I cannot love this testimony anymore! A mom was trying to be super intentional to keep her daughters spiritually fed during C-19. They were going to a co-op group, but the girls were bored to tears and begged to stop going. The mom then tried another Christian group, but the leader’s daughter was super controlling, and the girls felt like it was more about the girl than Jesus and did not like feeling used and mistreated each week. The daughter finally came to her mom and said, “Can’t we just please do Awana at home as a family?” YES!! There is indeed a time and place to gather corporately, and we learn and gain things in community that are vital, but that does not need to replace the power of the home and feeding our spirits together.

Why not create a once-a-week FAMILY TIME? Let it be a time of worship, soaking, journaling, giving prophetic words to each other, praying, declaring, discussing important topics, going on a hunt to find people to love, creating skits, or understanding certain Bible passages. 

DAD’S GROUP

I heard God say, “Go talk to the men.” I looked around in a room full of people and asked which one. I heard it again, “Go talk to the men.” I wasn’t sure which one I was supposed to go to. When I heard it again, I realized He didn’t say talk to a man, but MEN. I told Him I would but asked what I was supposed to say. He said, “I will tell you.” I waited… and waited… and waited. He finally revealed the message: I am talking to the men – the husbands, fathers, grandpas, leaders, uncles, and brothers.

Men, do not abdicate your mantle. – YouTube

TAKE THIS SHORT QUIZ

My children get along with each other most of the time. Yes/No

Honor and respect are evident in our home. Yes/No

I can hear what God is saying to me. Yes/No

I can discern what is going on with my child when they behave poorly. Yes/No

I am excited about the future and all that it holds for us. Yes/No

I live a life that is full of joy and peace. Yes/No

My family brings me an abundance of joy. Yes/No 

I enjoy being a parent. Yes/No

If you answered NO to any of the above, then it is time to join our online adventure of going deeper in your parenting journey.

Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

I MISS MY DAD

Years ago, Hudson was playing with his Legos in his room, and one by one, his sisters joined in the fun. There was so much joy breaking out in his room that I stopped doing my work to join them. I laid on his bed while they all played together, and it was heaven. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hudson began kicking everyone out of his room. I called him up on the bed and asked what was going on. He wasn’t sure but felt overwhelmed that he had had a sudden flip-of-the-switch in his emotions. I asked if he wanted Jesus to shine His flashlight in his heart to show him what was going on, and he did. The tears began to flow, and he said, “I miss my dad.” All of the fun with Legos with not just one but four other girls triggered that he missed his dad. We were able to walk through forgiving his dad for not being there and asked Jesus how He felt about him. The saddest part of the story is that in the past, I would have normally disciplined him for his outburst against his sisters because he WAS rude, mean, and disrespectful! But his outward outburst was NOT the real issue. His heart was hurting. Do we really want to shut down, spank, time out, and discipline our children when they are grieving their dad? Do they need to grow in maturity with how to handle the hurt? YES! That is called growing up. But we are missing the mark when we place obeying perfectly over connecting with their hearts!

I am asked often with this testimony if I went back and disciplined him for being so rude. NO, not at all. His flesh was immature in getting his hurt out, but once the real issue was resolved, there was no need for discipline. AS discipline isn’t punishment (an eye for an eye) but TO GET to the heart, which God so clearly did. I did ask him to go back and apologize to his sisters for being rude, and it was easy for him to do as he KNEW he was wrong and could do it with ease since his heart was fully seen and heard. Then as a family, we talked about what just happened. Everyone was filled with compassion and kindness for him, and connection was deepened. There is a time for discipline, of course, but the goal should always be to get their heart (otherwise, it is nothing more than legalism, which focuses on outward performance). 

PEACEFUL HOMES

I want to encourage you to make a small yet significant shift in your parenting. First, switch your focus from trying to rid them of conflict to growing them to avoid the conflict. There is a radical difference between the two. Move from being a constant referee to being their teacher to set them up for success. Second, we cannot help someone if we first do not know what the issue is. The next time they are in conflict, instead of reacting, stop for a moment and watch what is going on. It is not about who has what toy, but rather issues of selfishness, impatience, lack of self-control, rudeness, etc. – pinpointing where your child needs to grow and mature is vital to helping them. Third, teach them what you want in times of peace. The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy (Romans 14:17), and it is okay to teach and equip our children with the tools of JOY. Make it fun, be creative, and partner with joy in your parenting. Training in the times of peace will give you tools to use in the moments of conflict. Teaching during conflict has proven to be far less effective. Fourth, children are creative. You could tell them ‘NO’ all day long, and they will still come up with another creative way to do something. Focus 90% of your parenting on teaching and training in the times of peace what you DO want. Role-play what selfishness looks like at the table, in the car, with toys, and then model for them what you DO want from them during those situations. This empowers them with how to succeed. 

ALIGNMENT

Helping parents align their thinking about family is a big part of what we do through Let the Children Fly. Take a look at this exchange with one precious mama. 

Mom wrote: “I’ve been realizing this year just how much having children pushes on and exposes my own childhood trauma. I have been facing brokenness I never knew existed until kids. It is HARD!! I so wish I could have gotten better healing before I had kids! I hate that they are the victims of my process! But I am so determined to get whole and healed and BREAK the cycles in the name of JESUS!”

Lisa’s response: Oh, sweet friend. No, no, no, they are not victims of your process. God knew before He knit them together what you did/didn’t receive. He knit them together in HIS image, but with you in mind. It is God’s love for you that your children carry something that touches that part of you that needs healing and alignment. This is called FAMILY by God’s design. If you make a mess, you need to make it right with them, but there is nothing but grace in the process. Staying that way long term and hardening yourself to growth is how we pass it on to the next generation. But seeing our messy places AND doing something about it is GLORIOUS. You are allowing Him to crash in those places. Your children lack nothing because God is working this out. They are the heroes in your story, not victims. Your breakthrough is their inheritance. He is covering you today, sweet friend.

DAILY DRIPS

Can I give you a parenting key? Don’t just read these posts every day and say, “Amen.” Use them as conversation pieces with your family. Perhaps some days, you will call a family meeting and discuss them at length, but you can also bring them up while driving, at the dinner table, or while tucking them in at night. They don’t need the complete teaching but bite-sized nuggets to chew on. You also don’t have to have it all mastered or figured out before you can begin the discussion with them. Sometimes the best discussions are simply saying, “Hey, I read this post that talked about another child who felt fear. Have you ever felt that?” and let Holy Spirit guide your DAILY teachings and instructions of your children.

PARENT COACHING

This is a wild season for us, yet God is in the midst of using it for our good. He is allowing things to be seen, healed, and aligned, which is breathtaking. Only God can use this profound season of lack, isolation, and stillness and use it for our greatest transformation. We don’t have to make anything happen; we need to let Him do what He does best – finish the good work He has already begun in each of us.

I have received so many messages from parents who are feeling Him highlight areas that need to come into alignment. If you would like additional help in this season with parent triggers, parenting your child well, or resolving conflict, you can either private message me or schedule an appointment here: Coaching – Let the Children Fly

FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM

A dad came to me for parent coaching because they were having issues with their son. While the son was indeed behaving in a way that brought great chaos, as we partnered with Holy Spirit, it revealed a significant trauma the dad went through as a young boy. I watched as this adult man walked through the very hard and painful healing process. My heart swelled with pride for his yes to do the hard heart work and fight for his freedom. Months later, they returned, still having issues with their son. Again, after partnering with Holy Spirit, it was revealed that a family secret was affecting not one but three generations. I watched as this dad continued to press into the hard and uncomfortable emotions to fight for freedom, not just for himself but for his own father. I was undone with emotion when I heard of the events that unfolded once he was willing to expose secrets and bring healing. So much breakthrough. I respect this father so much for his willingness to engage and be wildly uncomfortable as God was doing a good work in their family. I asked what his motivation was for pressing and showing up over and over. With tears in his eyes, he said, “For my children. If my father had fought half this hard, I wouldn’t have had the life I did. I do it for my children.”

Dads, may you do whatever it takes to fight for freedom for your family.

JOURNEY NOT DESTINATION

The goal is not to be airlifted and dropped in the middle of the ocean just to say you have arrived in the depths. The goal is to do the journey with Him every step of the way. He is much more interested in your JOURNEY with Him than He is with your destination. So, what do you have going on today? Do it WITH Him.

LEGALISM DOESN’T WORK

It is impossible for a child to feel like they have significance when they are raised in a legalistic household because they never measure up.