DO YOU TRUST HIM EVEN IF…?

DO YOU TRUST HIM EVEN IF…?

  • Heart Splinters, Testimonies

DO YOU TRUST HIM EVEN IF…?

Excerpt from my book:

I was sandwiched between my pursuit of trying to help the kids with their deep owies and yet still trying to keep the bridge from burning fully with their father. I was struggling with letting them go to his house for the weekend, knowing it would only reap more trauma. Part of the problem was that we did not fully yet know what kind of trauma was happening, just that the kids were having strong reactions and saying things that were pointing to some very upsetting possibilities. My friend asked me, “Do you trust God even if something happens?” My immediate answer was, “NO! No, I do not.” I mean, I loved Him, and He was my Savior, but trust Him with my children? Oh my. That stretched a level of faith in me I had not yet tapped into. Her reply was both upsetting and convicting. She said, “That is the problem, Lisa. Unless and until you resolve that God is big enough, even if things happen to your children that bring pain, you will spend the next 18 years wearing yourself out trying to play God in their life. Resolve this issue first and then make a decision in their best interest.” This was perhaps one of the most painful yet defining moments in my parenting and one I have to ask myself repeatedly. Do I trust Him even if _____?

IT IS TIME TO COME HOME

Do you have loved ones, friends, or co-workers who have been hurt by the church or maybe have walked away? May I encourage you to privately share this post with them? They will not find demands or accusations, but rather a balm for their experiences. 

It’s time to come home! Months ago, God said to me, “You have taken the Let the Children Fly message and applied it to your family. Now I want you to take it to Mine.” I knew He meant the church, and that terrified me. Homes and churches are two totally different lanes. I battled deeply for three long days. I finally told Him He had my YES! I sat down to hear His heart, and in one sitting, He gave me this message but told me to wait. All hell broke loose after that, including deep betrayal, finding a tumor, losing a dear friend, being judged and misunderstood, etc. It only strengthened my resolve that the enemy does not want us to talk, but we need to. We need to have a conversation. We need to bring things into the light for healing. This is what family does – they call a family meeting and talk things through no matter how painful. Jesus sets us free when we walk in truth, not silence. He has given me the green light to share it with you now, and out of obedience and trust, I move forward to carry this message to you.

If you have been hurt in the church, it is time to talk because it is time to come home. If unhealthy interactions sidelined you, it is time to talk. If you are bruised at the hands of those who were supposed to protect you, it is time to talk. If you have left the church because of the things you have experienced, it is time to talk. It is time to talk if you are isolated and alone in your battle. If you are afraid and concerned, it is time to talk. If you are silenced, it is time to talk. If you were judged and found unfit, it is time to talk. If you were told something was wrong with you, it is time to talk. If you were told you needed to change your life in order to be worthy of attendance, it is time to talk. It is time to talk because it is time for you to come home. May there be a flood of healing in the Body as we are willing to be honest, and deal with the pain and heartbreak that so many are walking through. The homecoming will be worth it!

Hurt in the Church – Why? How? – YouTube

SEXUAL SAFETY

One of the most vulnerable households for child sexual assault is the house that is run by ‘because I said so,’ and a legalistic one because they operate out of a list of rules and total parental authority and often fail to listen to the child. Children cannot hold in such a horrendous lie and/or the worry that abuse causes. They might not come right out and say that XYZ happened, but they will let it leak out, and we need ears to LISTEN TO THEM!

Here is a sad but true example: A little 4th grader came home from his youth group in a foul mood. The mom repeatedly disciplined him for his attitude, but he would not shake it. Finally, she asked him how youth group went, and he said, “I hated it.” She replied that he must go anyway because it was expected of him. He yelled out that his teacher was gay, and the mother swooshed him to his bedroom for talking inappropriately about someone. Had the mother listened to the child, she would have seen that he used to love youth group, and the sudden change warranted investigation. When a young child talks about an adult being gay, it should warrant you to find out why the child thinks that way, how he knows that of the youth leader, etc. If she had only asked and inquired deeper, she would have learned that her son was molested that night, only to come home and be disciplined for not wanting to return. I call it ‘pulling on the rope.’ When a child makes a harsh comment, pull on the rope by asking WHY questions. Not all ill words are a character issue; sometimes, they are flags waving to get our attention.

LOOK BEYOND BEHAVIOR

I have strived hard through the Let the Children Fly message to get parents to see beyond the behavior. Yes, train children to manage themselves better, but if we only focus on managing behavior, we will enter legalism and move away from the Father’s heart. We must be willing to endure discomfort with their behavior to explore with Holy Spirit WHY. If we can partner with Him, we will discover what is going on inside their hearts, and we can parent them in that place. This is where real transformation and growth occur. When we experience someone acting immature, wounded, and reckless, we have two choices: #1 Increase our power by using intimidation and fear to control them so that we feel comfortable or #2 come alongside their pain and usher them to Jesus. If all we are doing is managing triggers and outward behavior, we are actually separating ourselves from their heart. If we want to draw closer, we must become students of what is going on in their world.

FUTURE PREACHER GIRL

Want to hear something cute? When Ellie’s fish died, we bought something to remind her of her beloved fish. She picked out a nice journal and felt like she was supposed to start writing down the things in her heart. She asked if we could have a date and wanted to talk about how I learned how to create a message. She said that as she was writing in her journal, she felt like God was telling her she needed to grow in learning how to share the message in her heart. So precious. The following day a popular preacher came out with a free webinar on the exact subject. I told Ellie about it, and she asked if she could sign up. I assumed it would be way too mature for her, but I decided to roll with it. This girl sat glued to the computer taking fierce notes and listening to the speaker equip her with how to create a message.

Come on – when a child asks to learn because they are obeying the voice of God in their life, you listen and empower them! 

FREE INDEED

Do not call a weakness what is really a wound that needs healing. We can be free and free indeed. Our HEART SPLINTERS book is for children of all ages (the adult kind, too) to help resolve the hurts, lies, and offenses that fester in our hearts and influence our lives.

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

FORGIVE FORGIVE FORGIVE

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.

Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive.Forgive…

…and then forgive AGAIN! 

“I make the choice of my will to forgive _______ for _______ so that satan has no hooks in me that he can use to influence my mind, emotions, confidence, identity, calling, or blessings! I release the offense and turn it over to God to judge and deal with accordingly.”

TRIGGERS

Triggers are simply another word for someone touching that sore spot that reveals where your heart splinter is. How do you know if your child has heart splinters? They yell, kick, scream, say, “I hate you,” slam doors, overeat, under-eat, are loud, quiet, become aggressive, retreat to their rooms, bully their siblings, put up a wall, push you out, become clingy. Parents know a child’s normal. When a child is acting outside of their normal, it warrants tracking with Jesus to determine if a heart splinter is agitating their heart. A trigger is when these heart splinters are touched and create a greater emotional reaction.

DIFFICULT CHILD

Most of us have a child who challenges us greatly. I want to expand your thinking a wee bit about their behavior and how it affects you. God is a perfect Father and knows what YOU need. He didn’t create that child to annoy you; He created them perfectly to BLESS you. We often act like we are the wise old ones who know everything, and these little children are clueless and must be molded to OUR image, but the Word says the little ones were knit together in HIS image. I have a child who is extremely JOYFUL – like over-the-top joyful, bouncing off the walls, high-pitched voice JOYFUL. It took me a long time to figure this out, but the goal isn’t to calm her down to be ‘mature.’ God was sending her to me so that *I* could learn to walk in more joy! I have another one who is STRONG – like crazy strong and able to lead, make decisions, and determine right from wrong. She threatens me at times. But the goal isn’t to shut her down and win every argument; the goal is to partner with her to allow her leadership to blossom. Oftentimes God gives adults, who are high-strung, children who are super mellow so that they will learn patience through the child. Or a parent who is very relaxed and mellow, a child who is go, go, go so that they can learn about becoming more disciplined. Look at the child you clash with the most and ask Holy Spirit to highlight what it is that YOU are to be learning from THEM. We can still be adults while being students of our children.

LOST & FOUND

Have you lost something dear to you? I was at a conference when my phone began to go off multiple times. It was Hudson messaging me frantically that he had lost his Fitbit. He wanted to go back inside his school to look for it again, but his ride was coming, and he had to go. I messaged him many times, and he was so upset. When I got home that night, he was still very upset, and as the days rolled on, he kept saying how mad he was at himself. This is not his normal response to material things. When I pressed in as to why it was such a big deal (bummer, yes, but not this big of a deal), he said, “It was from my dad, and I wear it every day as a reminder of him.” Ugh! I realized at that moment that I could not replace it as it was not about the item but the sentimental value attached to it. I posted about it on the school page and heard nothing. Hudson was grieving the loss of something very dear to his heart. I knew I needed to help him channel his emotions and asked him if he believed God knew where it was. He did. I asked if He believed God cared enough about his heart and the meaning it held in his heart to return it. He did. I told him that his position needed to move from sadness and disappointment to FAITH. He came home from school that day with the news IT WAS FOUND!!! We cannot shield our children from bumps and bruises and disappointments in life, but we CAN direct them to the One who finds that which is lost, cares about their hearts deeply, and is with them in the process.