CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

  • Godhead Parenting, Heart Splinters

CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

I was talking with a mom about others using the tools of control and disempowerment in parenting, and she burst into tears. She realized she was guilty of using them with one of her children and her heart ached, realizing how she had been negatively affecting her child. This is my WHOLE point in doing these posts on disempowerment. The issue rarely lies with the one being disempowered but the one doing it. Parents/leaders use these tools because something else is going on inside of them that makes them feel like they need to protect themselves. Nothing controls and pushes back someone further than disempowering them because it renders them powerless. It is a faulty coping mechanism for something greater going on. Here is the deal – God isn’t mad at the parent/leader who uses these tools because He understands WHY they do it. He sees their fear, anxiety, and insecurity that causes them to feel the need to self-protect. God doesn’t want them to stay that way, but He isn’t mad at them.

HAVE IT YOUR WAY

Years ago in California, we were having a terrible drought. The summer temps can hold onto 110 degrees for months, and it was scorching the land. Many cursed their city; others prayed for God to intervene. Drought affects more than just our immediate comfort. Many months later, long after the temperatures had gone back down to a comfort level, we had rains that would not let up. It poured for days. It soaked everything and anything in sight. Many cursed their city; others prayed for God to intervene. Yet few connected that perhaps the rainfall was an ANSWER to the prayers prayed months earlier. In fact, the rain not only watered our land, but the experts said it would have taken us nearly seven years to recover from the drought that the rainfall did in one season. We pray, beg, and ask God to move and then complain when He does so on His terms, in His ways. I see a flood of chaos, mess, and destruction all around me, and it is overwhelming, but I also see ANSWERED PRAYERS. We wanted God to rise up and respond to the scores of injustices to unborn babies; we wanted Him to act on behalf of the corruption with our leaders; we begged Him to save our children from being used and abused; we prayed for Him to awaken us. We prayed sleepless nights for churches to cease operating in control. We poured our hearts out for peace and unity in our families and communities. Friends, do not curse the WAY God chooses to answer His children’s heart cries. He sees the sleepless nights, the agony of the mother’s heart, and the cry of His people. Take comfort in knowing that He is God, and this is NOT His first rodeo (have you read Daniel lately?) He is STILL a good Father and knows what He is doing. 

It is hard to know how to pray at this hour. I have found myself often declaring, “God, we bless the work of Your hands and say let Your will be done on earth today despite the discomfort it brings me. We loosen every assignment of the enemy against Your perfect plan. Holy Spirit, cover me with Your perfect peace in this hour, but Lord, have Your way with us!”

NOT JUST FOR PARENTS

One of my spiritual daughters shared this sweet testimony of ministering to a young gal. Our JOURNEY class is not just for loving your children but all of His children. 

“Hi Lisa, here is a testimony I wanted to share with you. The lessons I have learned through Let the Children fly helped me lead her to Christ for this healing. This girl is not a mom yet and is struggling with some insecurities and lies that she believes. So I walked her through writing down those lies and tearing them up, stomping on them, rejecting the lies, and how to instead accept God’s truths, as you taught me in the JOURNEY class. Here is her testimony on what that did for her: ‘Hey! So I finally had the guts to do it last night. I wrote down all the lies and things that kept hurting me in my mind and flushed them down the toilet. It came out to be about six pages worth of crap. It took me a while to get the courage to do it. The crazy part is that I wrote it in a red marker, and about halfway through ripping it, I realized that red represented Jesus’ blood. I was just choosing a marker, and I chose the red one. I was praying while doing it. I feel so much better now like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can accomplish and do what I am called to do now. It sounds cheesy, but I feel free now and confident in myself and the Lord. It’s already been a blessing that He took those lies and stomped on them! I’m so excited to live! To truly live freely! No more bondage!’”

STOP TRIMMING THE HEDGE!

I had an encounter with Jesus, where He showed me a wall. I could not for the life of me discern whether this was a good or negative wall. Was it keeping things in or preventing something from going in? The lack of clarity perplexed me. I heard Jesus say the wall needed to come down, so I asked what tool I should use (because even in the natural, anytime you remove something, you use a specific tool based on the wall). I saw a hedge trimmer that was so logical and obvious, but it felt wrong. I asked again and saw the trimmers, yet this overwhelming feeling of ‘this isn’t right’ came over me.

The kids were all splashing in the pool when I got on my raft and asked them to give me a moment so I could continue to process this revelation with the Lord. I needed greater clarity, but I KNEW He was showing me something. Something caught my eye, and finally, I removed my sunglasses and sat on my raft to look. He was highlighting the shrub hedge on the other side of the pool when I heard Him say, “Lisa, if your job was to remove that hedge (wall), would you use a hedge trimmer?” No way, it would not only take forever, but every time I would trim it down, the branches would grow back as pruning is a form of growth. I would wrap a chain around the base and yank it out with my car roots and all. BINGO!

God was showing me that I was laboring (well, I might add) to trim the hedge (wall) when He was actually calling me to YANK IT OUT BY THE ROOT. Oh, the flood of fruit that came with this revelation. What if we REBUKED the spirit of strife behind it instead of just resolving conflict? What if instead of feeling drained, we sat in His PRESENCE to be refreshed? What if instead of battling fear, we used our AUTHORITY against it? What if instead of coming under intimidation, we DECLARED 2 Timothy 1:7 (and believed it)? What if instead of shadowboxing the enemy, we WORSHIPED the Lord? What if, instead of feeling dread every morning, we spoke to the spirit behind it and commanded it to FLEE? What if instead of taking aspirin daily for the pain, we HEALED the body? What if instead of managing attitudes, we ENCOUNTERED the Father’s love? What if instead of stewarding the lack of peace, we COMMANDED the chaos to flee? What if instead of continually disciplining a child, we TAUGHT them who they are in Christ?

You do not always have to deal with the ‘fruit’ of new branches. God has given us tools and power in Jesus’ name to deal with the root and have it removed. What about you? What negative cycle do you repeat over and over in your home? Are you continually trimming the branches? Is it time to YANK IT OUT once and for all?

WATCH YOUR MOUTH

Mamas, you can’t speak badly about your body and not have it affect your son’s and daughter’s belief about women. They learn to honor, respect, and value a woman’s body through you. So watch what you say about yourself!

TEACH THEM TO COME TO ME

If this testimony describes your heart’s desire, join us for the next online class to learn HOW. 

“I felt immensely inadequate. One day I just fell to the ground in tears and cried out, ‘God, I cannot do it all; I am not capable! My children need more than me; I am not enough!’ He said back to me, ‘I am enough, teach them to come to Me!’ BOOM! Right there, I realized so much of me was still working in my own efforts, and the Holy Spirit corrected me; He is what they need, not me. They needed to learn to go to Him, hear Him, and know Him. I love this lesson and the steps to guide our children to get to the source of the issue. So many times, we circle around the issues repeatedly, never getting to the root of the problem. In our own human efforts, we try to gain ground by dealing with the superficial symptoms instead of addressing the true issues, the hurt, the lie, or the offense. When we take ourselves out of the picture and teach our children to go to Daddy, He is the one that can deal with the truth of the circumstances, and He does it SO much more efficiently than I do. I hope to embed these steps more and more as I lead the hearts of my children. I hope to grow them up in a way where they are empowered. I am, again, thankful that God has led me to this class to bring more focus and direction in leading my children by the Spirit.” 

Join us here: Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

SPIRIT OF REJECTION

A young girl had trouble staying in bed at night because of recurring nightmares. During a coaching session with the mom, God revealed a spirit of rejection that was affecting her due to some earlier life experiences. We used our authority over the spirit of rejection, and the mom messaged me to report that her daughter went to bed without fighting. WHY? Because the issue had nothing to do with her bedroom, sleep, or being alone and had everything to do with what she was encountering in her room. You cannot manage spirits. You have to use your God-given authority over them!! Period. It is for FREEDOM that Christ gave His life!

NO FIREWORKS

It is testimonies like these that keep me encouraged. God is awakening parents to partner with Him. I love this line, “There were no fireworks. Nothing crazy happened. It was a simple prayer.” Using our authority isn’t about a wrestling match. When He says His yoke is light, that means parenting too. 

“Hi Lisa! I’ve been following you for a while and am so thankful for you! I wanted to let you know how I put your teaching into practice. Recently, I was alone with my six-year-old girl in the van when she told me she sometimes gets so angry that she wants to run away from home. I couldn’t believe she felt that way but told her that she was so brave for telling me. We had time to talk just a bit about it, but I knew I needed to go after why she felt this way. Since she was two, she has been SO sensitive when we correct or discipline her. Today, when she was whining and complaining, I told her to go to her room for a bit until I came to talk to her. As she was going, she turned back around and yelled: ‘Sometimes I just feel stupid!’ I knew we needed to BOTH go upstairs and seek the Lord together. We asked God to show her why she was feeling this way. She gave me examples at school. Nothing major there. Nothing she said had anything to do with someone else doing something to her. It was always about something she did (but in my eyes, they were no big deals!). And then, she began to say negative things about herself. So it dawned on me that it was not an incident or someone else that caused this; I thought it was a spirit of self-hatred. I needed to pray again and break off the spirit of self-loathing/self-hatred. Afterward, we just sat there together for a while. She then said, ‘I feel really loved. And I feel peace.’ She began laughing. There were no fireworks. Nothing crazy happened. It was a simple prayer. But something happened IN her! I couldn’t believe it! Praise God!”

SEEDS PLANTED

You never know how God is going to use something He asks you to do. I have had people buy our HEART SPLINTERS book for their childhood teachers, grandparents, their mom who is still hurting from her childhood, their neighbor, their brother walking through addiction, as a wedding gift (could you imagine the pain and conflict spared getting heart splinters resolved early on?), single moms going through a divorce, young children, teens, youth group leaders, pastors (what a gift), as baby shower gifts (what a legacy). 

Jesus, I thank You that You gave Your life to defeat the enemy so that we can walk in freedom and wholeness from hurts, lies, and offenses.

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly