CLOSING THE SEXUAL DOOR

CLOSING THE SEXUAL DOOR

  • Authority, Sexual Safety

CLOSING THE SEXUAL DOOR

This is a follow-up to my recent post about pornography.

I am getting messages from parents who are confessing this has been a real battle in their home, and they are bringing it into the light and dealing with it but want to know how to close the door for their children. These are great questions and need to be addressed.

“What do you mean ‘open/close the door’?” The Bible tells us not to give the enemy a foothold (Ephesians 4:27). We open the door to him when we have patterns of sin. When the door is open, he now has a legal right to influence, and we know he operates with the goal of stealing, killing, and destroying.

“How can my choices affect my children even if they were never directly exposed to pornography or sexual sin?” While these things are done naturally, there are spirits attached to sex in any form outside of God’s design. When parents are involved in sexual sin, it opens the door for those spirits in the home. Susie doesn’t need to see anything with her eyes in order to be affected by the spirit that was allowed in. Oftentimes for girls, this doesn’t translate into sexual behavior but a profound sense of shame and an attack on her identity as a female. Fathers are to be the covering over the home, and when the door is open, children often feel a sense of lack of security and unprotected. Mothers are to be the sense of comfort and nurture, and children often feel a lack of attachment or connection when the door is opened.

“What is so damaging to children about pornography and sexual sin?” Sex is good – by God’s design. The enemy takes what is pure and righteous and uses it as a weapon to steal, kill, and destroy. The main targets are a child’s gender/sexual identity, sense of worth/value, and protection.

“How do I close the door?” Two things must be done in response to sexual sin – repentance and authority. Repent means admitting your wrongdoing and turning the other direction. I realize sexual sin creates a powerful stronghold for many and can be a journey of getting free, but we can’t ever let sin communicate to us that we have expired Jesus’s blood. If you fall 100 times, there are 101 drops of blood for you. The second is realizing that the behavior attracts and invites the wrong spirits into your home and using your authority to close the door. “Jesus, I confess that I have _____. Do You forgive me?” Don’t just ask for it, receive it.

Once the blood of Jesus covers you (forgiveness), you can operate in your authority. “Sexual spirits, I see you, and you are not welcome in my home. I am forgiven for my sins, and it is by the same blood that I command you to go now. I close the door to you and forbid you from entering this home again. I will not give in to your temptation. You are no longer welcome here and are forbidden from speaking to me.”

Pray over your children specifically. “You may not speak to (child’s name) eyes and the things they see. You may not influence their thoughts and the things they think. You may not influence the words they speak or the words they speak to themselves. I command you to leave this house now in Jesus’ name.”

The Bible says whenever you tell the bad to go, you need to invite the good to come. “Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and fill (child’s name) with Your love, power, and peace over their mind, identity, and relationships. I invite You to stand guard over them and protect them fiercely. Fill them with Your truth and lead them into healthy, vibrant friendships that honor You.”

As the head of your household, declare what your house stands for. “As the head of this house, I decree and declare that this is a home of peace, growth, and love. We operate out of life-giving heart connections. We stand for truth, honor, and purity.”

We are forgiven for our sins and walk in His light.

AUTHORITY OVER INTIMIDATION

Intimidation is a spirit that gets you to shrink back and remain silent and small. The enemy can work through circumstances, people, leaders, family members, or complete strangers to attempt to intimidate you. You expose it by realizing it is not always coming from within you but ON you, and it must be dealt with using your authority.

NO FEAR!

The Israelites were told to put the blood of the lamb on their doorpost, and the angel of death would pass them by. I am seeing a spirit of fear coming to so many households; through current events, death, kids going back to school, sickness and disease, relationship issues, and emotional hurts. I see the need for parents to stand up today and declare NO FEAR in their homes and actively release love, joy, peace, and life! It may be knocking, but by the blood of Jesus, let it pass you by.

PASS IT ON

This testimony touched me deeply because a mom in class took what she had learned in our class and taught her teen daughter, who then passed it on – three generations in ONE affected by Kingdom parenting. 

She writes: “I have to share. My 16-year-old was babysitting for the first time. The 16-month-old was really fussy the whole time, and she decided to pray for peace and calm over him to calm him down. Within minutes he was at rest.” 

Oh, the warriors that children are when they are taught the tools of the Kingdom!!!

COMPASSION & VALIDATION

How many of your children, especially younger ones, are having unusual meltdowns and not wanting to be away from you? While this can be rooted in many things, including normal development, I am hearing so many parents reporting this issue, and I think it has more to do with the effects of C-19. First, there is so much in the atmosphere. While we are getting stronger and more resilient, I sometimes walk into a store and feel so gripped with anxiety (which is not coming from me). I leave and feel better. This is being released from others. Those in charge of your children (teachers, friends, in-laws, sitters, church, etc.) are releasing their emotions, and children can pick up on it. Keep going after walking in authority over the fear and releasing peace. Second, children hear that C-19 causes death and their minds naturally worry if that will happen to them or their parents. When you have to leave, assure them you are okay, that you will return, and they are safe. When a child has a meltdown, they only need TWO things – compassion and validation. CV medicine, as I like to call it. Then after they feel safe again and are calmed back down, talk about ways to empower them and increase their capacity to handle it differently the next time.

THE SPIRIT BEHIND IT

When the virus broke out, people freaked emotionally, and it was confusing to so many people why they ‘couldn’t handle it.’ Their minds told them it was not that big of a deal, but their emotions told them otherwise. I kept telling people, “The reason why this is affecting you so much is not because of the virus but because you are FEELING THE SPIRIT BEHIND IT.” So many things have come out in the past months, and I just want to zoom in on the fact many of you were feeling in the spirit but did not know it. It was overwhelming to you because, yes, you were feeling it, but it was NOT you. It was the atmosphere. This is a spiritual muscle to be strengthened. For those of you who felt ‘something’ intensely, take a moment and thank God for allowing you to feel in the spirit realm. Second, ask Him to increase the gift of DISCERNING what you are feeling. God does not allow us to feel things just to overwhelm us. He allows us to feel it SO THAT we can partner with Him and be agents of heaven on earth in the midst of it. More than ever, this is the hour to walk in discernment.

PORN

One reason why children look at porn is that their parents are not teaching them about their own God-given body and are too afraid (or ashamed) to talk about it with them, so they go to the internet out of pure innocence only to be exposed to the vulgar side of sexuality. Children need to learn about sex, sexuality, private parts, and body functions from PARENTS in the HOME!

THAT’S A LIE

When I hear a child speak a lie about themselves (I am not smart enough, I am slow, I can never figure this out, etc.), I simply tell them that they are partnering with something from God’s enemy. Do they want to continue to partner with that (they do have free will), or do they want to throw that one out? Then, I told them they could kick out or throw out whatever thoughts came to their mind that wasn’t of God. Hudson, who was only four then, literally went to the front door and motioned like he was kicking something out before slamming the door. Yeah, like that! Kids need to be taught that not every thought that crosses their mind is theirs, and they can be empowered to say NO!

JUST SAY NO!

Years ago, I had my second lump removed from my breast. I scheduled my follow-up surgery on the same day my insurance expired. My doctor ran the test and told me I had a 65% chance of getting the most aggressive form of breast cancer within five years and suggested I go on a low-dose cancer drug. I told her my insurance ended that day, and she said, “Well, you better hurry up then and make a decision,” assuring me she could give me an extended prescription to cover me for a while. I was barely 40 years old, a single mom, and had four little babies at home under five. Flashbacks of losing my mom to breast cancer poured out of my eyes as I wept, sitting in my car in the parking lot. My ability to think and make rational decisions became paralyzed in fear. I was gambling with my life, and it was not something to take flippantly. I called some friends who had their journey with cancer and strongly suggested I take the drug. I cried out to God (literally), telling Him how scared I was (not just for me, but how this would affect my children), and asked what I should do. Suddenly, I got this overwhelming thought, “Why would I treat a cancer I do not have?” The doctor said I had a higher percentage that I COULD get it, but I currently did not have cancer. The tornado of chaos and emotions gave way to deep peace. I attempted to clean up the streaks of black mascara that stained my face and, with bold confidence, went back up to my doctor’s office to tell her, “Thank you, but no thank you.” I was fully aware that fear would knock, wanting me to play the What-If game.

I made an agreement with God that day. I reminded Him that He is my great Physician (years earlier, I was scheduled for a double transplant – until God stepped in). I already had faith in what He can do through my body, so I turned the issue over to Him and told Him, “I am not going to pay attention to this report. This one is on You, and You can alert me if something is wrong, but I will not let fear talk to me.” Over the years, I have had to remind myself of that agreement on a few occasions, and when fear knocks, I answer by blessing my body and cursing cancer.

Fast forward to one summer. We have always spent our summers on the road doing family ministry. That summer, we had our trip all planned down to the details, but the more things came together, the louder my lack of peace became. I finally laid it all down as I no longer wanted to fight for peace. A week later, I found a mass in my breast. Between swinging from one doctor appointment to the next and waiting for appointment day to arrive, we spent our summer walking out the reality that a tumor was found. I got the call while standing in the swimsuit section of Target and would be lying if I said the room didn’t spin a bit when I hung up the phone. But I asked God, “Is this my time?” and clearly, I heard, “NO!” My mind never played the What-If game, and I kept my peace all summer.

It doesn’t make it true just because someone speaks a word over you. Just because the odds are against you doesn’t mean you have lost. Just because a doctor says so doesn’t mean you have to partner with it. Just because fear speaks to you doesn’t mean you have to listen. I am happy to report that I am okay, and we are on the other side of this journey.

BODYGUARD

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

Going after empowering my children to ask Jesus questions and how to discern His reply has been KEY and not only protected them in situations but prevented things ahead of time. 

FLIPPING ATMOSPHERES

In the days leading up to the day I wrote this lesson, I was attacked endlessly. At the eleventh hour, I took some time in my room. All I could do was lie on my bed feeling all alone, completely consumed, and like I was sinking deeper and deeper into a pit. Ever been there? I eventually reached a dangerously low place in the pit and realized if I did not fight my way out, I might not get out. I knew from experience that this was never a good place to be. So, I texted a handful of prayer warriors I knew who would bombard the heavenlies on my behalf. I called a friend with whom I could be real and messy. I talked to my mentor and bared it all to her. Then, the revelation breakthrough came: I HAVE AUTHORITY OVER THIS! That which kills, steals, and destroys will always be around me, but within me is the ability to release that which brings life, joy, and blessings!

However, the key to releasing it is a VERB! We must ‘do’ something about the situations around us, not in the natural but in the spiritual realm. Old, religious, spiritual mindsets disempower us by saying we can only allow ourselves to be in ‘clean environments.’ Things that are spiritually unclean, messy, or different aren’t fit for the godly. To believe these lies is to deny Jesus’ ministry on earth. The true sons of the Kingdom of God know who they are and aren’t afraid to release heaven in the areas that need Him the most. Another spiritual mindset that renders us powerless believes that God isn’t big enough, and if He wanted something done or changed, He would do it Himself. To believe this is to deny Jesus’ words on earth! He said He has all the authority and then commissioned US to go out and do ‘greater works’ than He did. Jesus never sat by passively saying, “I guess Daddy doesn’t feel like raising you, Lazarus. Sorry.” No, Jesus got His Father’s perspective, and then Jesus DID IT! He then passed that baton onto us. This is where the Kingdom gets exciting!