CHILDREN GETTING ALONG

CHILDREN GETTING ALONG

  • Sibling Connection

CHILDREN GETTING ALONG

I have been overwhelmed with the goodness of God. The kind that makes you break out in worship and praise. The kind that makes little sense why your heart is so overjoyed and can’t be matched to any earthly circumstance. The kind that declares over and over, “You are so good.” The kind that brings tears to your eyes and makes you fall in love with Him more. I asked Him, “Why is my heart so overwhelmed with joy?” and heard Him say, “You are feeling how I feel about my children learning how to get along.”

SIBLING CONNECTION MATTERS TO THE FATHER BECAUSE HE DESIGNED SIBLINGS TO BE THE PLACE WHERE CHILDREN FEEL LIKE THEY BELONG. If there has been one common theme amongst our youth this past year, it is that they have been attacked in the area of belonging. The Father cares about their sense of belonging!

TRAINING GROUND

How else will your child learn how to relate to their future spouse, boss, or friends unless they are taught? The day-to-day issues between siblings are your God-given training ground to equip them. The conflict can be used for good when you see it as an area in which they need help growing.

THE GREATEST GIFT

The best thing I ever did was teach my kids each other’s love languages. Ellie came to tell me how good Hudson was reading. I reminded her that his language is words of affirmation and told her to go tell him directly. They have been best friends since. When a kid says they are bored, I ask them what Emma’s language is, and they say, “quality time.” The light bulb goes off, and they run to her, knowing she will always play with them. Taking ownership of loving each other is such a blessing in this household! How do you teach your children each other’s love language? Print out the results from the online quiz, call a family meeting, and share. I encourage you not to just say “words of affirmation” but to give examples of how they can do that.

FIGHTING BROTHERS

“My two boys have been angry. I knew there was a deeper issue. They said I forgive you; I love you, but it was happening more and more until they got rid of the deeper. I said, ‘You know how to do this.’ I don’t know all that was said, but I walked the older one through why he was angry at his younger brother. I asked him to ask Holy Spirit and just listen. He was trying to protect his brother and give him advice to keep him safe. When his brother didn’t follow the advice, it made him angry and like he failed to keep him safe. The younger brother was feeling rejection and anger. When he heard WHY his brother wanted him to listen, it also broke the anger off him. There is more. But the whole thing was so powerful and healing. I wanted to say thank You, God, for the guidance. Thank you, Lisa, for getting the tools out there.”

EQUIP TO LOVE

Have you taught your children about love? We can’t expect what we do not first teach in times of peace. I love what this mom shares in our class. Have each family member take the online quiz, print out the results, and spend time talking about what each one looks like.

“It was so helpful for our family to discuss and identify together each other’s love languages. I’m excited to see how God will use this understanding of how we individually receive love to grow our relationships with one another!! I want to be intentional about daily having this awareness of filling my children’s love tanks in a way that speaks to them.”

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

IS IT WORTH IT?

We were at the pool one day, and Hudson sneaked up behind Emma, who was sitting by the edge, not wanting to get wet. He motioned to me if he could throw her in. I responded, “You can, but will it help your connection with her?” He took a second to realize the joy of the victory would not be worth the splash it would make in their connection. I have taught my children over and over and over that the way they treat each other today will affect tomorrow. It may feel ‘good’ to be powerful today, but tomorrow you will reap the fruit of a low account with them.

THE SHARING RULE

When I had four kids under 4, including twins, the one area that drove me nuts was sharing. The constant need to referee who had what toy and someone else crying over it was a full-time job! I remember thinking there was no way I would survive 18 years of this. God gave me a great solution which we named the ‘2-minute rule’. Anytime someone wanted something you had, you ONLY had two responses, “Yes!” and be a joyful giver on the spot, or you could say, “In 2 minutes,” which taught the other person to be patient. It was a win/win situation. No need for tears because they were empowered with how to handle the situation. When conflict broke out, I would go back and help guide them back to the two options, and peace would resume. To this day, I am able to reap the fruit of this because their character had a chance to grow in the midst of conflict.

What is something in your house causing chaos? Ask Holy Spirit to give you a creative way to equip your children to handle the situation and aid in their character development.

FLESH WASN’T THE ISSUE

My youngest two have always been super close; however, they have been snapping at each other a lot. I finally sat them down to dig deeper. It was obvious that one of them was carrying some hurt, but they didn’t know what or why. Not a problem, Jesus knows! Psalms 139 tells us He can search our hearts and reveal things to us. So, we asked Jesus to shine His flashlight into her heart. She started crying and said that during Christmas break, she asked to play with him on numerous occasions, and he told her NO (I assume it was because he was busy playing with his new toys). She took this very personally and has built a wall around her heart with him. I could have disciplined her flesh for snapping at him, but her flesh wasn’t the issue – her hurting heart was. As soon as Jesus revealed the truth of what was going on, she could forgive and be free from the hurt that was agitating her heart.

GOING TO GOD ON YOUR OWN

My kids were all taking turns being upset and offended with each other. I finally called a family meeting to discuss and eventually left the room, giving them instructions to ‘work it out.’ An hour later, I came back to find a greater mess. It was not only unresolved but worse. I told each of them to grab their HEART SPLINTERS book and their journal and go process with the Lord. I told them to ask God to show them what page to read and let Him guide them. I went to check on them and found this: One child was deeply convicted over how mean they had been to her sister for something she did last week. They were holding onto offense. One child was crying, realizing how she had lacked kindness and felt bad for the way she was hurting her sibling. One child said, “God told me to look at page 72,” and it was the very issue they were having with their sibling. Another child said they were punishing their brother because they were mad at their dad for something (profound). 

Parents, I cannot encourage you strongly enough to purchase a copy of HEART SPLINTERS – Resolving Childhood Owies in Childhood for your own parenting tool belt but also to walk your children through the pages and teach them in the times of peace that Jesus has keys and solutions so that they can use them in their time of need. Children are hungry for the tools of heaven to be the answer and solution to what concerns them!! Buy one for your teen and usher them to encounter Him in their pain and process. 

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

BOYS AND GIRLS

When my four children were toddlers, I scored big with a large trash bag full of Beanie Babies. While they brought so much joy and fun, it often ended with tears. I began watching them interact. The girls would line up their favorites, giving them great affection. Hudson would have his in a big pile and would grab one making it pounce on each and every one the girls had so perfectly lined up. They would cry. Beanie Babies were put on the shelf for a while because this same scene always played out. I began to realize that neither party did something ‘wrong’, but that boys and girls play differently. It was not about finding out who was the offending party but teaching them how to interact with their differences. By God’s design, girls and boys are different, play differently, and respond differently. I have told the kids countless times that, yep, it might not be easy to figure out how to interact with a brother/sister but that it was their training ground for future relationships, their spouses, future children, etc. Someone doesn’t have to be ‘wrong’ in order for God to teach us through their differences.