CALLING OUT WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE

CALLING OUT WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE

  • Heart Splinters, Sons & Daughters

CALLING OUT WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE

I wholeheartedly agree with what this mom in class has to share about speaking identity over her child. 

“I just love all the ideas for teachable moments! My parents, probably my mom mostly, would always say positive things to me, but it never came back to God. When you think it’s just your mom’s opinion, it’s easy to dismiss the validity, but knowing who we are to God is breathtaking. Having that strong foundation of being able to call out the lies so easily because I know the truth would have dramatically changed my life. I spent too much time believing those lies, and my identity has been weak. I pray that God will lead me to be the parent that can call out the good as beautiful gifts from Jesus and also call out the lies from the enemy so we can throw them out!”

DO YOU EVER THINK OF GOD LOOKING AT THE CROSS?

As I have focused on the Cross over the years, I have been continually struck with not just the physical torment Jesus endured but the emotional. He laid down His life of His own accord so that people do not need to endure hell and could have an intimate relationship with His Father, yet they mock, ridicule, slander, taunt, misjudge and reject Him to His face. My God, my God, how is it that You can be so full of self-control? To watch people treat Your gift, Your beloved Son, like that and not rise to anger and smite them all will forever be beyond me. And yet it is the thing that captivates me the most about who You are. So loving, kind, and patient, and all the while fully aware of what is going on. The story of the Cross is who God is today – full of tender mercy and self-control, yet fully aware of all that is going on.

THIS ISN’T HOLLYWOOD

I am just going to go ahead and say it. Not all of you will have worldwide platforms.

It wasn’t that long ago when few people even dreamed about it, much less achieved it. Social media has made the world seem smaller. One YouTube video can reach the globe overnight. We have 1000’s of ‘famous’ people. We no longer live in the era of Hollywood celebrities being the only famous ones. You can be famous today without any talent. People can be famous for a single act, rebellion, or even for doing something stupid! Heck, churches can literally buy social media followers to make their churches seem bigger. Ugh!

This has shaped so many in the body of Christ and rendered them silent. God has given you internal wiring to be seen and known and to offer the world something significant. If there are unrefined places in your heart, that God-given seed will be drawn to the world’s ‘success,’ and it can create the most DISCOURAGING view that there will never be a spot for you, that your voice isn’t needed and that there is no way you could become what is inside of you.

The world is NOT your stage – your home and local community are. God has put something inside of you for the world AROUND YOU, not always for you to go around the world. Your voice, destiny, love, care, concern, mission, talent, and story IS needed, wanted, and valued, but if you think it has to be on the world platform, you will disqualify yourself before God even has a chance to develop you. He is looking for those who are faithful to what He has put inside of them, not looking for someone who is ready to be discovered. His Kingdom doesn’t work that way.

This isn’t Hollywood; this is God’s Kingdom on earth, and you play a major role. Your calling was never supposed to put YOU on the stage but to use your gifting to point to the only One worthy of the stage, Jesus.

Break up with the lie that “Someone else is already saying what I want to say,” “There isn’t enough room for me,” or “There is no way I could step out when others do it so much better.” This is an orphan speaking, not a Son/Daughter.

Chicken lines are your friends because you increase your capacity every time you deliberately choose to cross one. If you want to change the world around you, be faithful to steward what He has given you well. The Kingdom of God does not have talent scouts looking for someone to discover. You are already found and have been given the role of modeling Him to those around you through your calling.

What is ONE thing you are going to do to cross your chicken line and own what God has given YOU to do to impact the world around you?

LITTLE MESSENGERS

Don’t refuse the message just because you don’t like the delivery of the messenger. So often, children botch the delivery of what they are trying to tell you. They do it with anger, attitudes, imperfection, and less-than-mature ways, but it doesn’t mean that WHAT they are trying to say is to be ignored. This is one of the reasons why we wrote our HEART SPLINTERS book. To give parents additional help in seeing and hearing what their children are trying to tell them.

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

CLING TO RIGHTEOUSNESS

I walked through some deep betrayal years ago and wrestled it deeply with God. I had this mental picture of Jesus holding both of us on His lap, and it made me mad. This person brought me so much turmoil and pain, and I didn’t like the fact Jesus loved them so much (this isn’t my true heart, but it was a moment in my processing the pain). I finally called my mentor because it was making my heart feel unsafe with God. How in the world could He love someone who has brought so much pain? Her response was brilliant and literally shifted something so deep within me. She said, “Lisa, you do not fully understand the picture. God loves this person just as much as He does you because He created them, but God is only on the side of righteousness, and this person isn’t choosing righteousness.”

It wasn’t a matter of whose side God was on as much as it was who was on His side. It was like my hands opened, and I dropped whatever offense, pain, or fight I was holding onto and clung to righteousness. It altered decisions and outcomes dramatically. The question is not “Is God on my side?”. The question is, “Are you on God’s side?”.

IDENTIFYING HEART SPLINTERS

A mom shares: “Even though I wish I had known this years ago, I’m so grateful and excited to have this awareness and understanding now of how to identify and go after heart splinters personally and help my kids understand how to address them on their own. In the short time of learning to identify a hurt, lie, or offense, our family has already begun to experience freedom! We will be practicing together and trusting Jesus to give us understanding and teach us even more as we grow!”

CRAZY CYCLE

This is going to be a HUGE key for many parents! From a very early age, I could feel resistance with one of my daughters. I figured it was a generational thing and have intentionally gone after her heart. I would find myself saying YES to the others with ease, but my heart was hesitant, and I always wanted to say NO to her. It made no sense to me, but I could feel it. She agitated me in a way the others didn’t, yet she wasn’t really doing anything in the natural to warrant it. It was awful to admit because it felt like maybe I even liked her less than the others. I didn’t, but the resistance always made me feel like I was subtly rejecting my own child. God later revealed this to me through someone else, and I rushed home to share it with my daughter. She cried and began to tell me that she felt it, too, and even when we would go on dates, she felt like she couldn’t get close to me. We walked through what this looked like between us and have had such breakthrough.

It looks like this: When there is control-based parenting, the child responds in one of two ways. #1. They feel resistance, anger, and/or have hate or murder in their heart (which doesn’t mean death but can ‘kill’ you with their words). These children then partner with the spirit of REBELLION in their hearts. This can be outward or inward rebellion. #2. The other child feels hurt, isolated, withdrawn, unworthy, like a victim, and helpless when faced with a controlling parent, and they partner with a spirit of REJECTION. The problem is that when the parent feels the spirit of rebellion or rejection coming from the child, it makes them increase their control. A crazy cycle begins in which neither the parent nor the child is really seeing/responding to the other person, but rather the two spirits of control and rebellion/rejection are having a hay day! Connection, love, and unity go right out the window.

My daughter was partnering with a spirit of rejection, and I CAN’T STAND the spirit of rejection. My daughter wasn’t agitating me; the spirit was. Once she began to partner with that spirit, no matter what I would say, she would feel hurt and rejected, which drove me up a wall (in all honesty). I did use more control-based parenting until she was around five years old when I discovered Holy Spirit. But I think it has more to do with how opposite we are. She is my dancing, joyful, giddy, silly, talk a mile a minute, always wanting to create things, bake things, make a mess with paints, glitter and glue kid. I am busy, serious, don’t like messes, and have little appreciation for creative arts. Neither of us are wrong, but because I am the adult, she was feeling controlled by my repetitive ‘no’ answers and not giving her more freedom to be herself. The cycle had gone on for so long that it began to feel normal. It is easier to partner with control when they are younger, but once the spirit of rebellion and rejection are in motion, it is the tween and teen years where the ‘fruit’ of that parenting really begins to reveal itself in the child. Since the spirit of rebellion and rejection have a legal right to be there, they influence the child to behave and make choices that only further the parents’ drive for control. Obviously, rebellion and rejection are not what we want to introduce our children to. We are the ones to break the cycle!

Praise God for this incredible revelation and tool so that we can break free from the enemy’s tools of control, rebellion, and rejection, and we can walk in freedom and connection. If this sounds like something that you are experiencing with one of your children, I encourage you to spend time with Holy Spirit talking to Him about it. If you need to repent, do that first. Set a date with your child (mine was out on the driveway while the other kids were inside). Fill their love tank for a few minutes first, as a filled tank always lowers the walls and makes hard conversations easier. Explain to them that God loves them so much and has shown you an area that you need to change (this makes them feel secure that God has their back, too). I drew a figure 8 and showed her how the crazy cycle went around and around and how we both played our roles. I asked her to please forgive me for making her feel controlled. I also helped her walk through asking Jesus for forgiveness for partnering with the lie and spirit of rejection. We hugged and cried and allowed for Holy Spirit to heal without words for a while. We then tasted the new fruit in the days to come. I also called a family meeting and made sure everyone was aware of the cycle. We agreed that when they were feeling controlled, or I was seeing the rebellion/rejection, we could call out a special code to signal we were partnering with it again. I also want to add that children can control their parents, causing parents to partner with rebellion and rejection, too. This can also be a dynamic with siblings where one is controlling another. If you had a controlling parent, ask Holy Spirit if you are still allowing the spirit of rebellion or rejection to influence you today. Spirits don’t leave us just because we move out of the house. This is NOT a reflection of you being a bad parent, but rather a reflection of the enemy and what he does best – kill, steal and destroy – in this case, the connection with our children. Don’t allow him to put the blame back on you. It is okay to get mad that many of us come under this but use the anger to rise up in your authority and break the cycle. Ask Holy Spirit what keys He wants you to use with your child to repair the connection. Thank You, Father, for being a perfect parent and helping us along the way!

Crazy cycle between parent and child: Crazy Cycle Between Parent & Child – YouTube

GOOD ENOUGH

Sometimes when parents set the bar high for standards and kids don’t measure up, they partner with the lie that they aren’t good enough. This is not about parents doing it wrong for setting high standards, but about the wrong message sinking into their heart. Children need to be called to a high standard AND experience grace for missing it. This is called childhood, which is the training ground to becoming whole, healthy, fruitful adults. Children are a work in progress and grace must be a part of that process. When a child fails to meet expectations, it becomes a great opportunity to discuss ways they can grow in their capacity to achieve different results next time and become better.

CULTURE OF SILENCE

“Why are we whispering?” I asked her, sitting in my living room. “Because we aren’t allowed to talk about it,” said my new friend, who reached out to process her heart-wrenching pain. When a culture of honor becomes a culture of silence, it no longer operates as God’s kingdom. The truth sets us free, and sometimes we need to be heard, process, and get wise counsel as we walk out our journey. You DO have permission to talk about your experiences, but HOW you do it and with WHOM is of great importance. If you are sharing to get someone in trouble, you might want to check your motives. If you are talking to change, heal, or align something in you in response to them, godly counsel is not only wise; it is healthy. See Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 11:14, and Proverbs 28:26. I tell parents all the time that, typically, it is not the event itself that creates lasting trauma but how those around them respond to the event. A young boy loses his dog, and another loses his father. The one who lost his father goes on to live a successful, healthy life, but the one who loses the dog remains hurt and wounded. What’s the difference? The one who lost his dad was surrounded by a community that validated his pain and gave him grace and space to process the pain, causing the hurt to get out. The boy who lost his dog was told to “get over it,” pushing the hurt further. It is never about the size of the heart splinter but about how the child was or was not able to process it. This is why God puts children in families and churches. If you can’t talk about your journey, it makes for a much longer walk to freedom. We need each other. Intimacy happens when we present our true selves and allow others to encourage, uphold, and speak into our lives. If a culture of silence is something you have partnered with, it is time to break up with that lie. It’s okay to need to process your journey with others. If we are going to restore order from chaos, we must value truth highly. We do not value honor in itself. We value truth, and honor is the vehicle used to seek the truth. Truth is exalted before honor.

DON’T LISTEN TO HER

Years ago, when I was getting ready to put the house on the market, there was a ton of work to do. Three times I asked my son (then 7) if he had picked up his room, and three times he said it was perfectly clean. I was already tired and exhausted and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I walked down into his room and stopped dead in my tracks. Legos – everywhere! Upon further investigation, I discovered a week’s worth of perfectly clean clothes stuffed in the most bizarre places. I came unglued. I unleashed my mounting frustration on him and ‘cursed’ him – not with swear words, but by calling out things that were not a part of his identity. I was saying things like, “You are making my life so hard,” “You don’t care how hard I am working,” “You always do this,” “You never clean your room…” Lies full of anger.

In the midst of my emotional release, Holy Spirit told me to STOP and go upstairs. It was so strong that I simply zipped my mouth mid-sentence and walked out. I got upstairs and lamented to God in my pity party about being a single mom having to do it ALL by myself, plus homeschooling, plus selling the house, plus, plus, plus, plus. Finally, the anger gave way to tears, and I needed to realign myself with the truth that I was NOT alone, that God was still providing and caring for me, that I had permission to rest and know that my Father radically loves me! I know enough about inner healing to know I just sliced my son’s heart pretty good and needed to make it right with him ASAP. I went down to his room, where he was faithfully cleaning his Legos, and told him with tears how sorry I was. His response was, “Oh, that’s okay, Mom.” I made him stand up and put my hands on his shoulders, and told him that it wasn’t okay that I, or anyone else, spoke to him like that and that I was wrong. His response? “Don’t worry about it, Mom. I still love you.” His response confused me as it didn’t match the scene a few moments ago. He said these powerful, life-changing words with tears in his eyes. He said, “Oh, Mom, you don’t get it. What you said hurt my heart so bad, but when you were walking up the stairs, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know, and He said, ‘Don’t listen to her,’ so I just threw out your words.”

I had trained and then practiced and practiced with my children going to Jesus, and now, when it was ME causing the hurt, he knew how to take it to Jesus and get the healing he needed without me! Equipping our children to hear His voice and work through hurts, lies, and offenses is, in my opinion, the greatest tool for success you can ever give your child in today’s world. I encourage you – MASTER this over time! Please just sit for a moment and let the Holy Spirit use that testimony to release something in your own heart.

I AM FREE

The greatest way to impact your children is not to do better than your parents but to heal from what happened to you so that you can parent from a place of freedom, not striving and straining. I would actively spend time forgiving both sets of parents for teaching and modeling lack, ask Jesus what lies you believe because of it, break agreement with the lie, and then ask Jesus for His truth. This is a powerful encounter time that aligns families.