BUILDING WALLS

BUILDING WALLS

  • Activities/Teachings, Authority

BUILDING WALLS

 A parent was asking me about the child who slams their door and remains in the room upset. Their question included, “I can’t control them,” and something profound rose within me. No, they are right that control-based parenting is ineffective for the long haul and does little to address the child’s heart. However, I think there is a lot of space between “I can’t control them,” and “there is no way I will lay down my authority that fast when the enemy comes to build a wall with my child.” Let me explain. The purpose of a wall in the natural (bushes, fences, room dividers, retaining wall) is to hold something in and/or keep something out. It creates a physical boundary line that communicates “you can’t get through.” We build walls in our hearts when we are hurt or afraid to keep the bad out and to self-protect ourselves from getting hurt again. This makes logical sense, EXCEPT #1. It keeps the bad out but also keeps the good out. #2. It traps the bad so that it can’t escape and causes us to carry the hurt/offense around. #3. God never intended us to carry the job of self-protection. That is His job. When the enemy is working my child to build a wall to keep pain in (and me out), I agree I can’t control them, but boy, mama bear comes out in the spiritual realm. I bind whatever is in operation, ask Holy Spirit to bring into light whatever is in darkness, release comfort to their hearts, and I go after their love language BIG time. When I see my child struggling and needing the comfort of a wall to feel safe, I BACK OFF from parenting their flesh and wrong behavior and go after their heart. My goal isn’t to have perfect kids. My goal is to keep their heart in the palm of my hand and teach them a lifestyle of going to God even in the complicated and messy places. Control? No. Power and authority, YES!

BIRTH ORDER

This is in response to the many questions I get about toddlers who are regressing or acting out when the new baby comes home. I had 14-month-old twins when their brother was born, so I went after making sure they felt secure. It is a big deal for a child to have their birth order changed. Think about it – they are the only ones who get Mom’s attention; she leaves for a few days and comes back with a new baby she is with all the time. Often, Mom is recovering physically, and others intentionally keep the older child away from Mom so she can rest. This is confusing to a child, and they can surely build up resentment toward their new sibling. One thing that was super helpful was the ‘5-minute dates’ with the twins when I knew Hudson would need me for feedings and such. I would bring them to the floor with me, and we would spend quality time together. If Hudson started to cry, I would say out loud, “Oh no, not now, Hudson. Lauren and Emma are very special to me, and I am spending time with them now. You will have to wait.” Of course, you don’t make a newborn wait long, but they have no concept of time. I was communicating to them that the baby has not replaced them, and they are still so valued and important to me. But then I would tell them it was Hudson’s turn and that they needed to play by my feet, watch a movie, read a book, etc. If they wanted juice or help when I was feeding Hudson, I reminded them it was his turn, and they had to wait. I intentionally filled them up like this for many days after we brought him home, and the transition was smooth for all.

DON’T COME UNDER

After years of traveling, I have learned that I need to intentionally guard my heart when I am on the road. I feel stuff so strongly in the atmosphere, and if I am not aware and suited up with my spiritual armor, I can feel tossed around like the wild waves at sea. I can be fine one moment, and the next I am gripped with such deep emotion, yet it isn’t me. One time I took my daughter on a ministry trip with me, and we ran to Target to get some items. I was hit with something the moment I walked in, and it was overwhelming. I sat back in the car, feeling like I had just gone through a war zone. We prayed, and it lifted. Another time we were on the road for 52 days and walked into a hotel full of joy and laughter, but the moment we walked into our room, it was like all hell broke loose. The door ripped my daughter’s toenail off so badly we had to go to the ER, other kids who were playing moments ago were now in great strife, and the room had a foul stench that I could not shake. I had the kids all grab a corner, and I put worship music on. We did not cease until it lifted, which was over an hour later. Again while on the road, I was so tired and crashed the moment my head hit the pillow, but woke minutes later with this terrifying anxiety. I knew it wasn’t me as I was at peace when I went to bed. Because I have learned how to respond to ‘feeling the atmosphere,’ I began to pray, and God showed me a child who needed protection. My spirit rose up, and I prayed until I felt released. It has taken me many years to understand what is going on and so wished someone would have told me about this when I was younger. It would have set me free from a lot of torment and inner chaos. My son is a feeler and is learning how to use this gift. God doesn’t allow you to feel things to harass you. He is allowing you to see and feel what is happening in the spiritual realm SO THAT you can do something about it. It is an honor and privilege to feel what is going on and rise to the occasion to bring heaven into the situation.

GOING AFTER LOVE

Going after the power of God alone leads to fear and intimidation. Going after the love of God is what makes you powerful.

FOREBODING SPIRIT

Oh my goodness. I went to Walmart with my daughter, and we laughed and smiled as we walked inside. I had a mental note of how much joy I was feeling at that moment. We grabbed a cart and took off for our items. I began to feel something, and it was starting to affect me physically, like a deep pit in my stomach. I noticed the empty shelves where cleaning supplies and wipes were supposed to be stocked. It was an eerie feeling. I walked away and felt gripped with a strong feeling. I finally stopped and asked my daughter to check her gut and tell me what she was sensing, and she said, “Oh, Mom. It feels scary, like we aren’t going to be okay.” I asked her if she believed that, and she said NO but was feeling it strongly. We realized it was not us but the atmosphere. We left and renounced the feeling of dread and fear and released peace. 

Parents, please be sensitive to your child. It may not be a character issue if they have random outbursts, but simply feeling the atmosphere of fear around them. Ask Holy Spirit if it is time for correction or to pull them in close and assure them Jesus is in control.

ARREST IT

A mom shares: “My oldest daughter (6) has been having nightmares every single night for months, and last night I used your illustration about the police officer and taking authority to tell fear to leave. Holy Spirit prompted me to tell jealousy to leave. And I saw my daughter get triggered and start to cringe. She couldn’t keep it together. I told her she could do it, and it was a long process of telling her that jealousy has been a bad friend to her since she was 3 (all from Holy Spirit!), and she just nodded in agreement but couldn’t speak it with her mouth. There were tears and frustration and agony from her. It was so deep. We ended the night with her finally repeating after me to break her friendship with jealousy and declaring that her new friend was thankfulness. It was such a powerful moment. That night, she had no nightmares and slept through the night!! My daughter is not a ‘jealous’ type of girl. One would not look at her actions and think that’s what she struggles with. She is thoughtful, sweet, and kind. But God knows what’s going on!”

I SEE YOU

I got this really strong impression on my heart, and I believe it is for some of your children. We can be together 24/7 and still feel alone. I sensed there was a child in the family feeling lonely and really needing the gift of being seen.

Ask, “Jesus, will You please show me which family member needs to be seen today?” and then gather the rest of the family members and say something like, “Jesus told me that _____ really needs to know we see him/her today. Let’s ask Him what we can do to celebrate them,” and then listen together. Do not underestimate mission work in your own home.

STRENGTHEN THEIR HEARING MUSCLES

Fun ways for the kids to practice hearing. I STRONGLY encourage you to practice together in fun ways that empower their hearing in times of peace instead of only when they need to seek Jesus over a heart splinter. Also, doing it as a family is super helpful because it gives everyone a chance to learn from each other and takes the pressure off of being the only one. For example, if a child states they don’t hear anything, I simply ask them to listen again, and we come back to them after everyone else has shared. When you send out a birthday card, have the kids ask God what He wants to say to that person and then draw a picture (you can caption it based on what they heard). When you have extra time on your hands, have the kids ask God what you should do with your time. When you can’t find something, have the kids ask Jesus to show them a picture of where it is. When they are upset about something, have the kids ask God to show them what is bothering them. When you come up against something ‘different,’ ask Papa what He wants them to do about it. When you see a homeless man, have the kids ask God what He wants you to know about that person. When they are behaving poorly, have them ask God to show them what they did wrong (instead of YOU telling them). The ideas are endless! You can’t practice strengthening their ears enough.

DESENSITIZING

No man can do the things that terrorists do without intentional grooming. They are so DE-sensitized to the brutality that the real thing no longer upsets them. They have been exposed to such darkness, most likely from a very early age. It is awful what is happening in the world through them, but what is brewing so deep within me is that God is STILL bigger. He STILL sits on His throne and hasn’t budged. God is STILL the Alpha and Omega. The enemy knows that equipping children at a young age is the best weapon they have as they will grow up being mighty weapons of mass destruction. But do WE know that? Do we get how powerful it is when children are given spiritual tools at a young age? Do we really have more fear than faith? Do we not see the importance of raising up an army of children who know how to hear His voice and act accordingly? It is like the enemy says, “Boo!” and we all jump in fear. NO! We WILL do our part to teach, train, and equip our children to be the warriors in the world God has called them to be. It is our job. We are the generals in God’s army, and the family is our training ground. My intent is not to instill fear or partner with that ugly religious spirit but to share that something so deep and so wildly violent is bubbling within me. I want more! I want more families to be intentional about their children! I want YOU to embrace all that God has for you and your family. I burn for more. I yearn that we, the Bride, all of us, would know that there is NO weapon formed against us that shall prosper but that WE will march forth and walk in victory because God Himself is leading us. I want your connection with your children to remain intact so that they are spared from the countless years of agony we endured. I want for them to know how amazing and powerful they are because you speak it over them daily. I want them to know, like second nature, how to go to Papa God and discuss the burdens of their heart with Him directly. Ah, that the children would be trained and equipped by intentional parents who do not partner with feelings of inadequacy but know themselves who they are. Oh, I burn for this. Yes, the enemy is doing many un-fun things in our world right now but let them wait and see what this generation is about to do. They will rise up and flip atmospheres; they will say NO with ease to the false comforts of the world. They will hinder the pornography, alcohol, and drug markets simply because they have no need for it. They will walk in confidence and assurance. They will honor adults for the wisdom they possess and seek their counsel. They will discern the fear for what it is and laugh at it. They will grab hold of the hurts, lies, and offenses and apply the tools they have been taught to work through them, so they don’t become adult-sized woundedness. They will walk into the darkest of situations and turn on the LIGHT! They will praise where there is weeping, and they will heal where there is sickness. They will love where there is brokenness. They will hold their places, and all of heaven will back them up. Your labor in equipping your children is not unseen. Ask Jesus to show you what it means to Him! I believe in you and am so honored that we get to link arms one family at a time! 

RESET

Want to help your child reset after coming home from school? Give them an intentional few minutes of just being still in God’s presence. I would prepare a snack for them and tell them to grab a corner of the living room and enjoy their snack while lying quietly. Sometimes all it took was five minutes, and you could feel the shift in the atmosphere.