Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:
Our family rule was: No man, woman, or child had a right to touch, look or photograph their private parts, and they were not allowed to look, touch or photograph anyone else. We called it keeping ‘sexually safe’ just like I would say, “Wear your helmet to keep your head safe,” “Look both ways to keep your body safe,” or “Don’t touch the stove to keep your hands safe.”
I recently shared about a movie sexualizing children. I could not shake this feeling that came over me. It was slimy. I felt nervous and like I was in big trouble, but it wasn’t me. It was the spirit I was encountering. We do not fight actors, Netflix, predators, etc. We fight the SPIRIT behind it (Ephesians 6:12).
It was heavy and oppressive (oppression can feel like depression but is rooted in the spiritual realm). I kept praying against it and wondered why I was coming under it so much. I stood my ground all day, but it didn’t seem to break off me. I could discern that I was feeling scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated. I KNOW this isn’t the truth, but this is what I was encountering all day. I asked the Lord if I was taking on too much and feeling what children feel when being abused. Sometimes we can embrace something more than God has called us to and begin to pick up someone else’s hurt, offense, trauma, etc. I know this from my training in inner healing, but I couldn’t shake this. FINALLY, around dinner time, I heard God say, “Lisa, this is not how the victim feels. This is the spirit behind the predator and how they feel right now.” OH MY GOODNESS!! They are terrified of being exposed; this is the hour God is removing the covers of sin. This is not the season to make America great again. This is the season God is using to make America AWAKE AGAIN! So many people are beginning to see what God has seen all along, and there is only ONE way to fight the spirit behind what we see – in prayer with heaven’s tools, which includes OUR AUTHORITY OVER IT!
Not on my watch. NO to hell with the misuse of children. The feeling of being scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated is the truth about the enemy and how the people who have partnered with him are feeling. This belief is WRONG: We are losing the battle. Evil is winning. This is the TRUTH: God already won. The devil hates Light. God heals what He reveals. God has been, is, and always will be in control. God knows how to clean His house. People are scared because they are being exposed. Sin never wins. The enemy knows no peace (neither do those who partner with him). The church is opening its eyes. The church is opening her mouth. We have the power to destroy the works of the devil. Jesus has all authority. People are nervous, and it isn’t me!
Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:
Going after empowering my children to ask Jesus questions and how to discern His reply has been KEY and not only protected them in situations but prevented things ahead of time.
Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:
We move in partners – period. To this day, we have a rule that whenever they want to check out another aisle at the store, go to the bathroom or hang out at the mall, they have to have a partner. It is non-negotiable and one of the ways to safeguard vulnerability. It has been a bit of a challenge over the years with my son, especially with public bathrooms. I generally find the family bathroom and wait for him outside. If he has to use the bathroom alone, I would stand at the door and say something like, “I will wait for you here,” but loud enough for others to hear. I do not believe this is helicopter parenting; I believe it is standing on guard in an area where people have preyed on vulnerable children.
Let’s talk for a moment about the process of isolation and lies as it pertains to sexual instability.
When a child faces sexual abuse or emotional trauma it affects their mind, body, AND spirit. After the event is over the door remains open in the spirit realm, which is why many never fully recover despite therapy or counseling. It is common for childhood sexual abuse and emotional trauma to be confusing to their underdeveloped brain. Sometimes the child deeply admires the one doing harm, and it confuses their heart. They love the person but dislike what’s being done to them. Other times a child is confused by the way the abuse made them feel. I am not saying a child liked being abused as their spirit is aware it is not okay, but sometimes the child values the attention being given and it confuses their mind. They associate affection and attention, a God-given need, with something that is twisted and unpleasant. The confusion and lack of clarity bring isolation and shame (something is wrong with me). If someone of the same sex violated the child, a spirit begins to influence the child giving them ‘evidence’ (lies) that they were created differently. It is essential when helping children process molestation, abuse and emotional trauma that we close doors in the spirit realm, as well so that the enemy no longer has a legal right to influence, harass and mentally torment.
Often people who struggle with their sexual identity will say they knew since they were at a very young age of their preference, yet a human body is not sexually activated until puberty. I, however, fully believe people who give this account of their journey because the enemy isolates and then whispers lies to children ALL THE TIME and their sexuality is not exempt. I believe it is a primary target of the enemy simply because of the profound isolation and shame it brings to the core of one’s existence. Never before have we seen such an epidemic of people struggling with the way they were born.
I have ministered to men who grew up in homes where their mom was so abused by the men in her life, she had a bitter judgment against the entire male race. Her son’s sexual identity threatened her, and she would attack anything masculine. The isolation is paralyzing for a young boy who doesn’t understand why being a boy is wrong and unacceptable to his own mother. The enemy isolates and then whispers the lie, “You should be a girl,” “If you were a girl your mom would love you.”
There is a girl who grew up in extreme emotional trauma (isolation) and would have paralyzing nightmares. She would go to her mom in the middle of the night shaking. Her mom would allow her to come in her bed, but she had to rub her back to stay. The girl began to believe that being comforted meant touching/affection with someone of the same sex. A friend was raped by a teen girl when he was just four years old (isolation). It opened the door in the spiritual realm to be harassed and tormented. He grew up with an unhealthy interest in private parts which was the evidence (lie) that he was born gay. He grew up in a home where his dad was physically and emotionally abusive (isolation), and when he was in the 3rd grade, a teacher called out in front of the whole class, “You will grow up to be a gay,” and then proceeded to instruct the entire class on what that meant (shame). From that day on, peers changed his name to a girl’s name.
If children aren’t taught by parents who they are created to be, the world around them will. Countless times I hear the story of a child who is born with gifts and talents that are different than the expectation of the parent such as a boy with a music talent or a girl who doesn’t like dresses and they are taught something is wrong with them (isolation) for their likes and interests. In isolation, the enemy whispers lie about their true identity. Their ‘evidence’ (lies) is that they must be born that way because they can’t deny their love and passion for their gifts and talents. This is inferior parenting, not something wrong with the child.
Many of you know my story where my mom asked me my entire childhood if my dad ever did XYZ in the name of sexual abuse. She never told me he did but asked me, putting the burden of discovery on my shoulders. The isolation of those thoughts tormented me every day of my life for nearly twenty years. It gripped me so deep, death was my only relief (lie). As I have walked out this journey, God revealed nothing happened with my dad. It was a lie. I began to process with God how in the world could a mother do that to her own child. What He showed me is PROFOUND. I pray that you have eyes to see what God revealed to me.
My mom had unforgiveness in her heart towards my dad through their failed marriage which is always an open door for the enemy to influence, but my mom saw a sexual spirit ON me, and the enemy put 2 and 2 together, but his math was wrong. My mom honestly believed my dad did something, but what she was really seeing/feeling was that I was exposed to porn from a neighbor and a sexual spirit was attempting to influence me through the shame of what I had witnessed. I was a girl who needed to be protected from that spirit, but because of the unforgiveness in her heart, the enemy influenced her with a lie that nearly cost me my life – literally.
The above story about the young boy who was raped by a teen girl is another example. The teacher SAW the sexual spirit on him, and because of his own heart, the enemy helped him to put 2 and 2 together that he must be gay, but the truth was HE NEEDED HELP! That precious boy was being abused and was in profound emotional pain, shame and isolation. He needed to be protected in private, not exposed publicly. He needed love, not shame; community, not isolation.
When Christians demand behavior modification when someone is struggling it only brings more shame and isolation. At the same time, I think the greater pain is when Christians move into apathy claiming, “We just need to love like Jesus.” It is NOT loving to hear the stories above and leave someone in their confusion, isolation or pain. It is not loving to accept the band-aids of those who have endured mental torment at the hands of the enemy because of what others have done to them. It is not loving to reject, nor it is loving to tolerate. Love looks like embracing those in our community who have walked through isolation so profound that the enemy has lied to them about the core of their existence.
The reason why this is such a heated issue between Christians and the gay community is that it IS a spiritual issue. We have failed to equip the Body with tools to help CHILDREN who are being sexually abused and in emotional trauma (isolation) and have only pushed in the wounds deeper by ignoring their experience and demanding they change their behavior. This breeds children who grow up to judge and rebel against those who failed to help in their time of need.
HeartWork – I want you to crawl back into the story of the young boy who was raped by a teen girl and how the teacher responded. Ask Jesus to show you a picture of His heart for that child. Let Him align your heart to His.
A young boy stole some candy from his mom’s closet. She knew it, but he denied it. It is hard for a parent to know they are being lied to, but she trusted God would work it out. A while later, she went to him and expressed that she was disappointed and called out that he was a truth teller, but he continued to deny it. She remained in SHALOM despite the chaos. Finally, before bed, he came to her and confessed. He explained how candy tastes so good, and he wanted it so bad. She asked him, “Really? How good is that candy tasting knowing that you had to lie to get it and break connection?” He acknowledged it wasn’t very sweet after all.
This is an outstanding example of partnering with the Holy Spirit in our parenting and giving Him room to work on our children.
The other thing I want to point out is that the above interaction is how to train boys in purity. There is an emotional element to it for girls, but for boys, there is a self-control element. He is learning just because he wants something, or it feels good doesn’t mean it is worth the cost or right.
My daughter has woken up extremely crabby the last few mornings. Finally, after church, she asked if we could connect. Tears poured out of her eyes as she told me of her dreams at night. They were sexual and not something she desired. She said she would take authority over it every morning, but they would come back again the next night. I was so proud of her for telling me, and we asked Jesus to show us if any doors had been opened in that area, allowing the enemy the right to speak to her in her dreams. We took authority over it together. No child is exempt from this aspect of our fallen world. While we should guard what they are exposed to with all diligence, it is impossible for parents to guard their eyes in today’s world. It caused me to call a family meeting where we covered sexual safety again. I also ensured them that it was OK to talk to me about whatever they saw or heard that made their heart feel funny. I see the need more and more to be proactive in this area and make sure our lines of communication stay open. This is not a one-time teaching, but something we need to cover often to serve as reminders and empowerment.
Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:
The kids were empowered that anytime they felt physically, emotionally, or sexually unsafe, they could tell a teacher, go to the principal’s office, call me, text me, ask to come home, kick, yell, run away. I told them if they ever got in trouble for keeping their bodies safe, I would back them up. I think we sometimes set our children up for failure when we tell them to respect elders and always be kind. Yes, that is true, but we also have to give them a way out and permission if someone violates that trust. While we all hope nothing ever happens, the reality is it does! So, what steps have you given your children to get safe if they find themself in this boat? Think of Stop, Drop, Roll. It’s 1, 2, 3. Fire = 3 quick action points to get you safe. Should they feel unsafe, what are the 1, 2, 3 action points they can take to be safe?
Teaching about the birds and bees is different from sexual safety. I believe sex education should start in the home so that children have a solid understanding and do not learn it for the first time on the playground with mixed and twisted information. Over time, this is an evolving process that happens in layers as they age and mature. However, sexual safety is something that every parent must be intentional with and proactively equip their children to be safe. We teach our children how to keep their heads safe using bike helmets, their bodies safe by not answering the door, their hands safe while holding yours, and their mouths healthy using a toothbrush, but we also need to teach them about sexual safety. What age is this for? ALL!!! I cannot stress this enough. Unless your child is with you 24/7, and I mean 24/7, then perhaps they don’t need to be equipped, but if they go to school, have playdates, overnights, babysitters, friends, neighbors, and attend church, they need to be equipped.
