ALIGNMENT

ALIGNMENT

Helping parents align their thinking about family is a big part of what we do through Let the Children Fly. Take a look at this exchange with one precious mama. 

Mom wrote: “I’ve been realizing this year just how much having children pushes on and exposes my own childhood trauma. I have been facing brokenness I never knew existed until kids. It is HARD!! I so wish I could have gotten better healing before I had kids! I hate that they are the victims of my process! But I am so determined to get whole and healed and BREAK the cycles in the name of JESUS!”

Lisa’s response: Oh, sweet friend. No, no, no, they are not victims of your process. God knew before He knit them together what you did/didn’t receive. He knit them together in HIS image, but with you in mind. It is God’s love for you that your children carry something that touches that part of you that needs healing and alignment. This is called FAMILY by God’s design. If you make a mess, you need to make it right with them, but there is nothing but grace in the process. Staying that way long term and hardening yourself to growth is how we pass it on to the next generation. But seeing our messy places AND doing something about it is GLORIOUS. You are allowing Him to crash in those places. Your children lack nothing because God is working this out. They are the heroes in your story, not victims. Your breakthrough is their inheritance. He is covering you today, sweet friend.

BE THAT MOM

When my children were little, I remember reading a book by a mom saying that she wanted her kids to wake up and find her spending time with Jesus every morning. It struck me so profoundly, and I wanted my kids to witness my love for Jesus in such a real and tangible way. My heart melted when my son gave me a prophetic drawing of the Father and I sitting together. .

ENCOURAGEMENT

While you may be going through a change, it is a lie that you are alone. On this day, God calls you His. Anchor yourself daily in this truth.

Declare this out loud, “I am not alone. God is with me.” Say it again and again and again until the eyes of your heart get it.

Hosea 2:16 (NIV) – “In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’ you will no longer call me ‘my master.'”

Hosea 2:16 (MSG) – “At that time” – this is God’s Message still – “you’ll address me, ‘Dear husband!’ Never again will you address me, ‘My slave-master!’ I’ll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again.”

HUMILITY INCREASES RESPECT

When God says be HUMBLE, He means for us to be humble, always, and that includes in our parenting. Often parents fear that if they are humble with their children, they will somehow lose their parental authority. That is not accurate. You will gain their respect because you are modeling for them the Kingdom and connecting with their hearts. It is okay to learn from your children and hear what may need to be improved upon. I often check in with my kids and ask them, “What is something Mom has done well?” “What is something you wish Mom would improve upon to make your heart feel loved and seen?” The answers always surprise me and motivate me to become more like Jesus in my parenting. The truth is, either way, you are going to hear it – either now or when they are older and dealing with the fruit. I would much rather listen to their hearts while they are still children and deal with it in childhood, where I can grow and make a positive difference in their lives. Don’t be afraid of feedback. Allow God to parent you in your parenting journey.

TEACH AND TRAIN IN THE TIME OF PEACE

When a child (of any age) is having an emotional meltdown, they need either compassion or comfort. We have to find their rhythm of receiving compassion and comfort as some like to be touched, others like to be verbally comforted, and others feel comforted by being alone. AFTER they have calmed down and we have connected with their hearts, THEN we can teach, train, and equip them how to increase their capacity and do it differently next time. When the child is upset, teaching and training is like teaching a dog where to poop when he is in the middle of it. He won’t be able to hear you. Teach and train in the time of PEACE so that you can cash in on it in your time of need. Parents end up breaking connection because they want to be teachers when their child needs a comforter.

OVER/UNDER PARENTING

We can parent our children by standing OVER them and using our authority in a way that dominates and uses fear (of your disapproval, punishment or lack) as a motivator to control. We do this through scolding, yelling, harsh punishments, disconnection, ill words, anger, and withholding. OR we can use our authority to get UNDER our children and see their weakness as an area we get to empower them and help them grow and learn. We do this through teaching in the time of peace, connection, kindness, encouraging words, tangible skills and solutions, believing in them, cheering them on and expecting more of them.

PARENTING MANUAL

Picture someone baking a pie for their evening gathering with friends. Could you imagine someone else coming to take the pie out of the oven and running to the corner to consume the whole thing on their own? They would not only develop a stomachache but have robbed themselves of the joy of consuming the pie with friends and family as it was intended. Your child comes with a parenting manual, and His name is Emmanuel – God with us. I say this in love, but some of you need to repent for taking His creation and running away with it. He did not spend nine months knitting them together and ushering them into the world only to have you run away together. He desired all along that you would parent together with Him. God wants you to parent with Him, not for Him.

YOU SHOULD BE TOO!

Be kind to the first child God gave you – yourself. You will be accountable for how you treat, accept, reject, love, scold, champion, deny, uphold, tear down, believe in, deny or embrace that child. God is fiercely protective and crazy in love with that child; you should be too!

YOU HAVEN’T FAILED

Do you have a child who is finding their way? Read this glorious testimony from my friend and be encouraged that God wants to and IS working in your child’s life too. 

“One of my daughters made messes in her life, and the Lord said she needed her own room. Five other siblings were extremely unhappy with this decision which was to be handled by privately sharing with me their feelings followed by prayer for their sister. I watched my daughter do everything you don’t want your teen child to do. I felt helpless and didn’t see God move. Then one day, when I cried and gave up, He said, ‘Why do you think you failed? Why do you think this has to do with you? Have you forgotten her calling? How will she learn to walk in her calling unless she develops the tools she needs by being in a home with the unconditional love of her mom, dad, and siblings, who will tolerate this season of her life?’ My prayer focus changed, and the way I would see her changed. Within a couple of months, my daughter broke ties with all she was doing after having a major encounter with Jesus. She needed that room so He could visit her and her walls could come down.”

GET UP AND FIGHT – REST

I am intentional to guard against idle busyness. I have no problems saying NO to something when I am in the midst of a battle. I try to lie down at least once daily, even for five minutes. Some days I have to focus on my breathing and be intentional about breathing in peace, breathing out stress and worry.

LISTENING TO HOLY SPIRIT

So proud of this mom for this glorious example of partnering with Him to parent your son. 

“Last night after dinner, I started cleaning up the kitchen, and my two-year-old was just impossible – screaming, crying, hanging on my leg, etc. I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me, ‘Leave what you are doing for later and go sit with your son.’ Even though everything in my perfectionist self shouted, ‘Look at the kitchen!’ I picked up my son and went to sit with him, just doing what he wanted to do, which ended up just sitting close on my lap and being with me. He was immediately calm and, at one point, looked up at me with so much love and gave me a kiss – which is something he very rarely does spontaneously, and it ended up such a special moment we spent together. Afterward, everything else also went smoothly (bath time and bedtime). I realized that he needed his love tank filled. I am so happy I listened to the Holy Spirit.”