A WAY OUT

A WAY OUT

  • Sexual Safety

A WAY OUT

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

The kids were empowered that anytime they felt physically, emotionally, or sexually unsafe, they could tell a teacher, go to the principal’s office, call me, text me, ask to come home, kick, yell, run away. I told them if they ever got in trouble for keeping their bodies safe, I would back them up. I think we sometimes set our children up for failure when we tell them to respect elders and always be kind. Yes, that is true, but we also have to give them a way out and permission if someone violates that trust. While we all hope nothing ever happens, the reality is it does! So, what steps have you given your children to get safe if they find themself in this boat? Think of Stop, Drop, Roll. It’s 1, 2, 3. Fire = 3 quick action points to get you safe. Should they feel unsafe, what are the 1, 2, 3 action points they can take to be safe? 

KEEPING EYES PURE

A mom told me that she started the Mommy & Me journal, where you go back and forth sharing journal entry-type messages. Her daughter placed the journal on the mom’s bed, and as she flipped the pages, she learned that her fourth-grade daughter was introduced to porn earlier that day by two classmates. She wrote that it was upsetting, so she told her classmates, “This is inappropriate,” and they stopped. I love that this little girl had no grid for porn, but her spirit knew it wasn’t okay, and she honored and listened to the voice within. I believe by her standing against it, she protected the other kids who were exposed but didn’t know how to stand up against it. I also love that she told her mom right away so that she didn’t need to carry this weight around with her.

The Mommy & Me journal is a beautiful way to keep connected to your children. Get a notebook or journal and write notes back and forth to each other. It can take you a day, a week, or longer to respond, and you merely put it on their bed when you have something for them to read. It is a great way to ask questions, give them space to ask you things that may otherwise be hard for a child to do in person, and connect with their heart. I have been doing this for years with my girls, and we all love it. May I encourage you to share this testimony with your children? Use language such as, “Hey guys, I read the most amazing testimony of a fourth-grade girl. Want to hear?” And then use it as a teachable lesson. For the littlest of ones, I would not introduce them to the word porn but would say it was something inappropriate, or you can begin to have conversations about private parts being private. For older kids, perhaps you will ask them if their classmates have ever talked about or shared inappropriate pictures. Leave space for Holy Spirit to lead you in talking to your children.

THE BEDROOM IS GETTING HOTTER

Yeah, I just said that. I love it when God ministers in themes. The theme of this post is the bedroom. Walk with me through these three powerful stories of God setting women free in the marriage bed. I am sharing with their blessing. 

Mom #1 – There has always been a presence of fear and unwanted violent sexual thoughts. She would have to manage these thoughts with great effort while being intimate with her husband. God showed us that doors were open in the spiritual realm through shame and hidden sin in her family line. We addressed it spiritually by closing the door and walking in our authority. All this time, she thought something was wrong with her for having those unwanted thoughts when it was a spirit. Shortly after, she sent me a message saying she was experiencing intimacy with her husband like never before. Yeah, God! 

Mom #2 – She mentioned that she was raised with strong legalistic views about sex. I explained that sex is good and God’s gift to be enjoyed thoroughly in the context in which He outlines. Attraction, puberty, coming alive, and falling in love are all GOOD and part of God’s original plan. To partner with extreme lack, shame and legalism are just as out of balance as sexual sin or perversion. While she wanted to enjoy her husband, she felt this separation from herself, almost as if she had never fully awakened in that area when she was younger. When we have an inferior belief system that is not God’s, we create behaviors that are not in alignment with God’s best. Every time we partner with that behavior, we strengthen the release of the wrong kingdom. She assumed all these years that something was wrong with her sexually, preventing her from fully engaging, but it was a spirit lying to her that stemmed from strong legalistic views. We broke the agreement with the lying voices telling her sex was dirty and shameful, and Jesus gave her permission to en-JOY her husband. 

Mom #3 – She confessed to me that her mental thought life was unhealthy. She shared how, as a little girl, these thoughts would often visit her while on the school bus and alone in her room. She has no history of violation or seeing anything with her eyes, yet the thoughts came often. While partnering with Holy Spirit, He revealed that her mom had undealt-with sexual violation and that the sexual door was left open, making her vulnerable as a child to these spirits. I kept sensing the word ‘parent’ while ministering to her, and she agreed that the thoughts met an emotional need and brought comfort (even though she never acted on them or engaged other than in her mind). Over the years, she had a hard time divorcing herself fully from the thoughts because they did bring her comfort, despite the price tag that came with it. I was so happy when she messaged me to say she experienced intimacy with her husband for the first time WITHOUT the false comfort of the thoughts. 

All three of these women encountered sexual spirits as a child yet assumed something was wrong with them because of it. While there are cases of addiction, lust, and poor sexual choices, these women were clearly dealing with it on the spiritual level, which required walking in authority to break it. 

STRANGER SAFETY

I was talking to the children about stranger safety years ago, and Ellie, who was five then, said, “Don’t worry, Mom, I will kick him hard and run away.” That’s great, except she wasn’t factoring in one thing – the fear that comes with situations like that. Fear paralyzes everything within us. She needed to be empowered on how to respond to the fear. Sexual predators work with fear but also shame. Shame is so crippling, especially to young teens whose brains are still growing.

I found a video like the one below (I can’t find the original one), and after watching it, realized I needed to share it with my children to show them the ease of how someone gets entangled with online predators, but more so the shame that keeps them there.

When (not if) you see something come tell me so that I can help you. Do not give out your last name, phone number, age, address, or state to anyone without my permission. If you make a mess or cross the line, know I am here to help you. Keeping you safe is my number one goal. Not everyone you connect with online is who they say they are.

I encourage you to watch this and then decide if it is appropriate to share it with your children and talk about it together. #BeInCtrl – A Short Film on Online Grooming – YouTube

SCREEN SAFETY

Protecting our children from online activity is an important part of raising kids today. There is a calculated and intentional mission to seduce and desensitize children. It is crafty in the way it entices a child. It can also happen by pure innocence. A child confesses to their mom that something really bad popped up on their screen. Mom checks it out and deals with the issue with the child. Mom knows it can’t be there unless something else was clicked on, and Mom discovers in the history that said child got really cold at night, so they typed in “how to be hot in bed”, seeking answers and solutions to her temperature issue. Well, let’s just say she got what she asked for in today’s world. It’s funny, but it’s also a sad and true testimony. Stay ALERT! Know what they are doing on their computers, check them often, keep connection strong and check in!

SEXUAL SAFETY

Teaching about the birds and bees is different from sexual safety. I believe sex education should start in the home so that children have a solid understanding and do not learn it for the first time on the playground with mixed and twisted information. Over time, this is an evolving process that happens in layers as they age and mature. However, sexual safety is something that every parent must be intentional with and proactively equip their children to be safe. We teach our children how to keep their heads safe using bike helmets, their bodies safe by not answering the door, their hands safe while holding yours, and their mouths healthy using a toothbrush, but we also need to teach them about sexual safety. What age is this for? ALL!!! I cannot stress this enough. Unless your child is with you 24/7, and I mean 24/7, then perhaps they don’t need to be equipped, but if they go to school, have playdates, overnights, babysitters, friends, neighbors, and attend church, they need to be equipped. 

FALLEN WORLD

My daughter has woken up extremely crabby the last few mornings. Finally, after church, she asked if we could connect. Tears poured out of her eyes as she told me of her dreams at night. They were sexual and not something she desired. She said she would take authority over it every morning, but they would come back again the next night. I was so proud of her for telling me, and we asked Jesus to show us if any doors had been opened in that area, allowing the enemy the right to speak to her in her dreams. We took authority over it together. No child is exempt from this aspect of our fallen world. While we should guard what they are exposed to with all diligence, it is impossible for parents to guard their eyes in today’s world. It caused me to call a family meeting where we covered sexual safety again. I also ensured them that it was OK to talk to me about whatever they saw or heard that made their heart feel funny. I see the need more and more to be proactive in this area and make sure our lines of communication stay open. This is not a one-time teaching, but something we need to cover often to serve as reminders and empowerment.

FEAR/INTIMIDATION

I do not need to introduce my children to fear; the enemy has already done that. But when it comes, I use it as the touchpoint of where my kids are going to get introduced to how BIG their God is. If they saw something with their eyes that made them afraid, we began to talk about how Jesus’ blood can wash it clean. If they felt afraid because I was gone, we would talk about how Jesus kept them safe. I was not teaching them about fear but about where God is IN the scary moment. It’s just as important to make sure children know they have authority over the fear and can deal with it in the name of Jesus’ like a police officer deals with the bad in our city. 

PORN

One reason why children look at porn is that their parents are not teaching them about their own God-given body and are too afraid (or ashamed) to talk about it with them, so they go to the internet out of pure innocence only to be exposed to the vulgar side of sexuality. Children need to learn about sex, sexuality, private parts, and body functions from PARENTS in the HOME!

HEALTHY SEXUALITY

Are you concerned about all of the gender confusion and what it means for your child? Does talking about it make you feel intimidated? Are you unsure of how to respond to those around you? Not only do we need to start conversations, but we also need to become empowered so that we can enter the discussion with our children to empower them to walk in gender stability.