Trauma

Trauma

MOMS & DADS

Seen, Heard & Valued

I was in a season where I was aware that the words coming out of my mouth were critical and sharp. I am not typically one to hold a grudge or offense for very long, but it was like I was constantly calling out the bad. Little things like the man who cut me off, or the person who didn’t use their blinker, or the lady who didn’t return her shopping cart. Once I said it, I let it go but it bothered me that I even had the eyes to see it. They were things that should not be requiring my energy or time.

I became so aware of it that I told the kids I would pay them $1 every time they caught me being critical. But it only seemed to increase.

I finally met with my friend who is a professional counselor and asked her what in the world was the problem that I could not control my critical words. She said something to me that not only changed my life and set me free but became a KEY that I have used with others for their freedom.

She said, “Shame HAS to blame” and began to introduce me to the profound effects that shame has on our mind, body, and soul. Shame is so toxic to our existence that it kills, shuts down and robs of us of our God-given abilities. Shame is like acid. By blaming others (my critical words) it was releasing some of the toxicity. It was survival to manage the shame. I HAD to blame. The goal, therefore, was not to manage the release of the shame but to resolve the shame once and for all.

Thus began a several month-long journey of discovering the root of the shame and how to release it GOD’S WAY.

I created a ten-day online experience for others to join me on the journey of loving yourself deeper, wider and more passionately than you have been loved before.

This is a self-guided class at your own convenience. You will watch a video teaching and for the rest of the days, I provide activities and exercises to do based on the video teaching. The second week focuses on how to raise children to be proactive so they never have to find themselves again down the road.

As an ASCEND member you can enroll in this self-guided class at no additional charge.

At check-out use coupon code: ASCEND
Coupon is only good for ASCEND members and may not be shared with others.

ISIAH 61

Years ago, I was beginning to see that I had an Isaiah 61 anointing to bind up the brokenhearted and set the captives free. I remember telling God, “I will help people, but please do not ever bring me the people who have endured _____.” I felt overwhelmed in ministering to people who had that much trauma. I wanted the ‘little cases.’ I remember God teaching me that I was overwhelmed because I did not know my authority in that area. If I wanted to grow in helping people, I had to grow in my understanding of WHO I am, which comes from WHOSE I am, and once that was settled, I would be able to walk in the authority He has given me in that area to help people. This principle applies to each of us in our lane and calling.

I am prophesying to myself when I say WE WILL GAIN THE KEYS OF HEAVEN TO HELP OUR CHILDREN OVERCOME WHAT THEY HAVE ENDURED THIS PAST YEAR. THE FEAR WILL BE BROKEN IN JESUS NAME. THE FEAR OF GERMS AND DISEASE WILL BE REPLACED BY THE POWER TO HEAL SICKNESS AND DISEASE. CONNECTION AMONG THEIR PEERS WILL BE RESTORED STRONGER THAN EVER. THE FEAR OF MAN WILL BE SILENCED. THE FEAR OF IMPENDING DOOM WILL BE EXPOSED AS A LIAR. PURITY WILL REIGN IN THEIR MIND AND BODY. THEY WILL BE S*XUALLY STABLE. THEY WILL WALK IN GREAT AUTHORITY BECAUSE THEY HAVE TASTED THE OTHER SIDE, AND IT IS NOT SATISFYING. THEY WILL THROW OFF EVERYTHING COMING AGAINST THEM TO HINDER THEM AND WILL OVERCOME WITH THE KEYS AND STRATEGY OF HEAVEN TO BE THE LIGHT TO IMPACT THOSE AROUND THEM.

As a spiritual mama, I plead the blood of Jesus around our children’s minds, bodies and spirits and call them forth to walk in the design and calling they were knit together for by the Creator of the world. I bless them in the name of Jesus to rise up, come out from under the world, and learn how to walk in the Kingdom on earth. Holy Spirit, fill them with Your love, power, and presence. Lead them, convict them, speak to their hearts, and show them Your way.

RELEASING GRIEF

So much grieving happening all around us. From sickness to death to transition, many are finding themselves in a season of deep grief.

**The video stops abruptly at the end, and I chose not to re-do it. Grief in the Body – YouTube

 

 

SHADRACH, MESHACH, AND ABEDNEGO

God ministered so deeply to my heart over an event that left some residue that needed some attention. My heart had forgiven, my soul was at peace, and my mind was clear, but there was something deep inside of me that wanted to play it safe. I was talking about it with my mentor, and as a good mentor does, she asked the right question, which led to a pocket of tears. She asked if I needed to ask God something, and I wanted to know why He left me in the fire for so long. I honestly thought at the time that I was being taken out and was not sure I would rise again. If I had to give a word picture, it felt like driving down the road and, out of nowhere, encountering a mob of 50 men with clubs and baseball bats. The spiritual warfare was something that I had never experienced before. I instantly got a picture of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and my mind wandered off of the story. Do we think they came out of the furnace celebrating? Cheering? High fiving? I am not sure. They were being put to death for not bowing down to the king’s operating system of worship. They stood their ground, and it was going to cost them their lives. They did not go through the fire knowing Jesus was going to walk with them and keep them safe and that their testimony would go down in the Word of God for all generations to see. They went into it willing to die for their convictions. It was a traumatic experience. They endured the fire with their mind, their body, and their spirit. I think they came out weeping over the heat of the furnace, seeing the face of death and the reality that if God didn’t show up, it would have killed them. My mentor felt led to break off a spirit of trauma that was lingering over the event. A spirit of trauma likes to attach itself to real events, but once the event is over, it creates fear or unrest that it will happen again, so the believer shrinks back and plays it safe. If you have endured an “If-God-doesn’t-show-up-I-am-going-to-die” testimony and sense there is greater freedom from the events, ask Jesus to show you if a spirit of trauma needs to be dealt with.

HELPING CHILDREN OVERCOME TRAUMA

Trauma – a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.

Think for a moment about your child’s life back in 2020. Perhaps it wasn’t perfect, but within a short time, your child was thrown into a whirlwind of being home 24/7. Not being able to see friends or go out to the park, learning without peers, sitting in front of a computer, many faced hours alone as their mom and dad still worked. Some went without food, increased sibling conflict, missed birthday parties, felt fear all around them, not being able to go to church or their favorite store, and then the anger and violence that was unleashed in nearly every city. Most adults can’t comprehend all that is going on, much less a child whose brain isn’t fully developed. Folks, this is trauma. Add another layer of what was released in the atmosphere and the paralyzing fear, worry, and anger that slimed people without notice or warning. Kids feel it too.

While I am not trying to create a doomsday post, there is a reality that this past season has been brutal for some children. The events themselves do not bring damage to children. How adults respond to trauma can make a challenging event a lifelong wound. Your role is KEY! #1. Know your child’s love language and fill it DAILY! Five minutes of intentional “I see you” can fill their heart. #2. Connection – Talking, engaging, asking questions, hugging, smiling, listening, etc. Merely hanging out 24/7 is not the same as actually connecting to their hearts. #3. Joy releases a chemical in our brain that increases our will to fight and endure hard things. Dance parties, giggles, wrestling matches, dinner in the living room, tickling, being silly, special treats, dancing on the bed, or splashing in the rain. Your child NEEDS joy!

I know it is hard to give when you are enduring the same battle, but your response in this hour matters. Help children overcome by filling them up with love, connection, and joy, which are heaven’s tools to overcome. 

Validation – recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. Validation is not trying to move someone out of their space but giving them permission to be where they are at.

It is saying things like: “I am sorry that _____.” “It is not okay that _____.” “It makes me mad that_____.” “You didn’t deserve that.” “That must have been so hard when_____.” “Man, that stinks!” “You are so much more than that.”

WALKING THROUGH TRAUMA

I wanted to give you a few things to consider regarding children walking through trauma (crisis, divorce, death, a move). 

Talk – Children also endure what adults in the home are going through. Use age-appropriate language and ask them questions about what they saw, how they felt, what it was like for them, etc. Give them permission to talk. A great way to access their heart is by asking questions. Let Holy Spirit lead you in the conversation. Another great way to help them release what is in their hearts is by drawing pictures. Ask them to illustrate how their heart feels about the event. Be intentional to have family time alone together and check in to see how everyone is doing and where they are at in processing everything. I generally ask, “How is your heart feeling, and what do you need right now?” 

Fear – Being scared is normal in the time of danger, but now that danger is over, we don’t want to continue to partner with it as it can turn into fear which welcomes the wrong spirit. If you see signs your child is holding onto the concern that something bad will happen, remind them they are safe, that the trauma is over and that God isn’t the one giving them that emotion, but instead God gives us power, love, and peace in our minds (1 Tim 1:7). If the fear continues, you may need to walk your child through commanding the fear to go in Jesus’ name AND inviting Holy Spirit to come and fill their mind, eyes, and emotions with peace, comfort, and joy. If your child reports an image they saw and it replays in their minds over and over, validate their concern over the issue, “Sweetie, I am so sorry you had to see that. It must have been so scary for you.” I would then remind them that Jesus’ blood covers it all and that we can use His blood to wash our minds. My kids would act out pouring His blood on their hands and then wash their minds (like pouring shampoo and washing your hair). “Jesus, we invite You to wash our minds of these images and fill them with Your love.” This is a powerful way for children to apply the blood of Jesus to their situation. 

Joy – Returning children to joy is essential in trauma. It releases a chemical in their brain that helps them rise above challenging circumstances. While we can’t always change our circumstances, we can invite joy into them. Perhaps it is a 5-minute dance party, jumping on the bed, a game of balloon volleyball, or a tickle attack. Do not underestimate the power of these pockets of joy for children in a crisis. 

Connection – Just because you are together 24/7 doesn’t mean you are connecting. Know their love language and intentionally fill it. Children’s love tanks empty quickly but fill fast. Connection is golden during this time, and it is an intentional verb. Go after 1:1 connection today. Grab a soda and sit in a corner alone together to talk, rub their back while holding them, tell them how proud you are of them for the way they have handled things, give them something as a token of your love for them (a note on their bed, a pack of gum, or a quick trip to the store to pick something out). etc. Be intentional. Know their love language and intentionally fill it. Children’s love tanks empty quickly but fill fast.

Limited Screen Time – I know it is hard because many are bored, and you want to be on your phone a lot too, but I strongly encourage you to try and limit it. Their hearts need real human contact and connection, not a lifeless screen. Screens increase joy chemicals but through artificial connection only leaving them more lonely afterwards. We do not want to throw our children into an addiction to screens just to cope with their pain and loss.

Build Their Faith – This is where we get to help our children see Jesus in the midst of the storm. Yes, it was awful, but we spend time focusing on calling out where Jesus was. Yes, we had a fire in our city, but Jesus kept us safe. Yes, we had to leave our home, but Jesus provided us with a hotel room/friends. Yes, we lost our beloved Whiskeytown, but God designed His creation to grow new life… keep it going. Validate the reality but focus on Him. These are bricks in their faith. God was there. God was in control. God helped me. The next time they are afraid, in need, or walking through a storm, you can remind them of their history with God, “Remember when we had to leave our home, and God took care of us? Let’s ask Him to do it again for you in this situation.” This is how they build their faith and confidence in Him. 

Peace – Peace is His presence, and nothing ushers it in more than worship. Be intentional about having family worship time. He changes us in worship and realigns us to His face. Increase soaking time where you just put on music, lay still, and encounter His presence. This is super important for children.

Parents, you are enough during this season of chaos and pain, and you will know what to do because He dwells inside you. You will not only overcome this as a family, but it will make you stronger.