Single Parenting

Single does not mean alone - learning how to walk out solo parenting with Him

FINDING MY HUSBAND

We became a solo family two weeks before Christmas. I went to bed Christmas Eve but woke around 2am thirsty. I don’t need much sleep but getting out of bed for a glass of water was out of the question. The thirst persisted. I finally got up and stumbled to the kitchen, where my feet hit the standing water from the dishwasher that had leaked. I was so thankful to have found it then, as it would have ruined our hardwood flooring and seeped into the basement had it been left for Christmas morning. I cleaned it up in the dark, sat on the kitchen floor, and wept. There was no way I had an ounce of energy left in me to wash dishes three times a day for five people. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. I told God I wasn’t stupid but honestly didn’t know who to call to repair it. An electrician? A plumber? Another wave of tears came as I embraced my hopelessness. I wasn’t even sure I knew where to buy a new one. Home Depot? Did Sears carry them? My husband would have known with ease how to handle this situation, but he wasn’t there, and my cluelessness was reducing me to another wet pile of tears on the kitchen floor. I suddenly remembered the verse that talked about God being my Husband. I dried my tears and said, “Okay, YOU are now my Husband. We have a problem with our dishwasher. What are You going to do about it?” Three days later, I ran the dishwasher, and it never leaked again. A place in my heart was created that Christmas for God to become my Husband, my faithful, know-it-all, can-fix-it Husband. I no longer operated in spiritual singleness. FAITH is the wedding band that activates His power, peace, and solutions in my life.

HAND HIM THE BROOM

I am pretty good at processing my heart. Messy emotions don’t make me uncomfortable, and I know how to press into them for growth and freedom. But divorce kicked my bum in this area. I felt stuck and unable to know how even to process my emotions, much less do something about them. I have always had older female mentors speaking into my life, and I leaned on them heavily this season, but I had this insane desire to find a non-Christian male counselor. I wanted to get feedback outside of my usual circle. I only went once because I got what I needed in my first meeting. I was lamenting about all of the issues between my ex-husband and how I just wanted to put a pretty bow on it and THEN divorce. I hated the unresolved conflict because I didn’t want to leave things so messy. He said to me, “Lisa, the meaning of divorce is unfinished business. If it were resolved, you wouldn’t be getting a divorce. You need to learn to be okay with not having it cleaned up.” Whoa… It freed me from the broom in my hand that so desperately wanted to clean up every area of the mess and make it neat again. My heart couldn’t partner with throwing the broom on the floor and walking away. Instead, I decided to give my broom to Jesus to deal with the mess as He chose best. It was one of the most challenging aspects of my divorce, yet one of the most freeing. 

“Jesus, I hand You the broom to clean up my mess and to turn my mistakes, immaturity, and weakness into something beautiful. I hand over all the files and ask that You deal with them according to Your power and grace. I no longer hold myself captive to a mess that is too big for me to clean up.” 

“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). Perhaps you are not going through a painful divorce, but maybe you have an ending relationship, were let go from a job you loved, or are strained with your adult children. If there are issues that are undealt with, and it is causing you added pain, hear this: Your job is to LOVE Him. His job is to pick up the broom. 

This was taken from our Dandelion course for solo parents: Dandelion – Solo Parenting ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

DANDELION

I became a solo mama to four children under the age of five, including twins two weeks before Christmas. My world was rocked to the core… but then God showed up! I hit the jackpot in getting such anointed counsel during my most profound season not only for me but for the children. We are living the fruit of that counsel today nearly 11 years later. My heart goes out to the scores of parents who message me sharing their heartbreak, fears, and pain of their own story. I realized I could help more people by creating an online resource to give parents powerful tools and teach them how to partner with God in the midst of their heartbreak and pain. This truly can become a bittersweet season as you learn how to wholeheartedly grieve your spouse but gain a Father. If you or someone you know is walking through the challenges of becoming a solo parent, this resource is for you. If you want to help someone walking this out, consider giving them the gift of this course. It will change the direction of their story and point them back to the Father. 

Dandelion – Solo Parenting ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

SOLO PARENTING

Are you a single parent? Know of someone walking through the painful steps of becoming one? I look back on our season of becoming a solo family, and I am deeply thankful for the golden wisdom I received. It altered our outcome, brought so much healing to all of our hearts, and prevented long-term damaging trauma. I created this resource to pass some of those nuggets on to you. Not only can this be a rich time of processing pain but igniting a fire of hope and deep faith in who God wants to be in your life. When He becomes your Husband and your children’s Father, there will be some seriously good fruit.

May I encourage you to share this in a private message with those in your community who need a dose of hope? Furthermore, sponsor them to receive the class?

Dandelion (online class) – 30 days to walk at your own pace, exploring and discovering helpful tools, and activities, for you and the children to walk through becoming a solo parent. This is a must-view for anyone becoming or already a solo parent. Dandelion – Solo Parenting ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

WHAT EVERY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW

For Christmas one year, I gave Hudson a little book called “What Every Man Needs to Know” that listed things like how to build a fire, ask a girl out, how to fart, etc. It was supposed to be a joke, and I thought he would laugh. Instead, he read it cover to cover and earmarked all of the things listed in the book that he didn’t yet know how to do. My heart was gripped by the way he saw the need to be instructed in the areas of becoming a man. I knew I needed to respond, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking a single man to take on that role. I asked Hudson to make a list of the top 20 things he wanted to learn, and I asked God for a solution. I knew I couldn’t just step in and teach him as it was something that needed to come from a man, not his mother. My mind began to flip through the countless incredible men in our lives who I, as a mother, honor, respect, and trust. I began to reach out to each of them and told them the story of the book and Hudson’s list. I asked them if they would be willing to pick one thing on the list and teach and empower Hudson in that area. Oh, let me tell you how these men have risen to the occasion. Hudson has learned how to tie a tie, build a fire, change a tie, drive a car (yes, he took him out and let him drive his car!), cut down trees, burn a massive bonfire, drive a tractor, build things, change the oil in a car, replace wipers, roast hot dogs (without burning them), run a business, make money, throw knives, shoot a gun, sail a boat, go fishing, fix a bike tire, dress like a man (I loved this lesson), one man even gave him a talk about how to treat girls with respect. I am in awe over the rich men in our community who are willing to take time out of their busy lives and families to help a boy become a man.

FAITH IN MEN

When we first became a solo family, I asked God to show me how to restore my children’s faith and trust in males. I was concerned that they would project their hurts onto God, and that concerned me. At church one Sunday, I was mesmerized by a senior man being so affectionate with his bride of 60 years. It was like my eyes turned, and I was then drawn to the father who was tickling his giggling son. Then my eyes locked onto a man who faithfully came to church week after week to serve. I suddenly realized God was showing me examples of healthy males all around us. After church, I sat the kids down, and we began to talk about all of the men in our world and how each of them reveals a part of God’s design. We called these examples the Purple Heart Dad. Each one of them made up the whole picture of what God has designed for men. For years whenever the kids saw a male doing something that was a reflection of a good father, they would say, “That guy just _____. He has a purple heart.” God was building their view of a godly man. I want to thank ALL of you men who are loving your wife, protecting and shepherding your children, walking in your calling, leading people and walking in integrity. Others are watching more than you realize, and God is using your life in ways you cannot see.

SOLO PARENTING

When I was walking out becoming a SOLO PARENT, my heart felt like the scene in Titanic where the water was filling the cabin, and they were sucking the last bit of air out of the corner. Except I had four children attached to me. They say walking through a divorce takes as much out of you physically as going through open heart surgery. The effects on one’s mind, body, and spirit are profound. I have a natural built-in ability to overcome, persevere and bounce back, but this one almost took me out. I longed for keys, answers, and solutions and fought with everything within me to find Jesus amid the mess. Looking back, I can see that He gave me some golden keys that not only helped me navigate the tsunami of emotions for myself but my children. We didn’t just endure but overcame. We didn’t just survive but began to thrive. In fact, it was in my season of becoming a solo parent that my destiny began to open and unfold before me. God is a master who takes our messes, mistakes, and hurts and turns it into something so beautiful and life-giving. I want to share the tools, keys, and perils of wisdom I learned along the way with others.

One mom shared: “I have been a single mom for roughly 12 years, and this class brought healing to my heart and new perspectives even after so long. I truly thank you for sharing your wisdom. It has been so helpful and encouraging in my life.”

I WANT A PHD!

When we first became a solo family, I was concerned about how my young children would view men. God began to highlight certain men to us; one was good at loving his wife, another was super funny, and another was great at connecting with his children. Some were models to us far away, and others became the hands and feet of Jesus to us. I began to call out certain character traits in each of the men to my children, and we created a phrase, “They are a Purple Heart Dad.” Years later, we were writing out our prayers for the year, and my daughter, who has received many prophetic words about the medical field, wrote down, “I want to a Ph.D.,” which I assumed meant a medical degree. Months after praying for her Ph.D., we realized she meant Purple Heart Dad. To this day, we use this expression almost weekly as we see men being incredible examples of kindness, love, servanthood, protection, joy, wisdom, strength, etc. God has given us so many incredible men who have stood in the gap and shown us God’s heart for a man, father, husband, and friend.

LOOKING THROUGH GOD’S EYES

“You can’t. You are a single mom.” I will honor those involved by not sharing details, but I have been told this on more than one occasion over the years. The first time was when God called me to go on a mission trip. I had no desire to go, yet He began to speak to me so clearly that I gave Him my ‘yes,’ and within a week, all the funds came in. I was told, “There is no way God would call a single mom to go.” Those words stung! I beg to differ. Jesus always went after the weak, the sick, the broken, the least of these, and those overlooked. It isn’t the ‘less than’ part that qualifies a person. It is what Jesus does IN the weakness. Our weakness simply becomes the ground in which we are aware of our need for Him. No one needs to convince a solo parent (or their children) that God’s best is a family with both a mother and father, but it is incorrect to disqualify someone based on weakness alone. Judge them based on what God does through the weakness. Man may need a perfectly polished resume to qualify you, but God does not.