Identity Stability

Knowing who we are and teaching our children who they are


Oh, I long for you to see this.

The war for our children looks like this:

Isolate them in their own homes.

Feed them with the world that feds the flesh but empties the soul.

Cause doubt through lies that may sound true but are still lies.

Become their own god rejecting all others.

God’s plan for our child’s identity looks like this:

Put them in families where they are seen, heard, and valued.

Feed them with the Word of God.

Anchor them in His truth and hold them accountable for living in a way that is pleasing to God.

Speak truth over them OFTEN.

Teach them to submit to God’s authority.

This is an active, intentional strategy that requires parents to be engaged, plugged in and alert.

HeartWork – Picture for a moment what life would have looked like if you were taught as a child who you were created to be. If you had parents who called out the good in you, even when you were at your worst. Who saw value in you even when you gave evidence otherwise? Who helped you discover together who God created you to be. What would it have felt like to know such deep connection in your family? To be so fiercely protected and covered? Would it have made a difference?


I asked a group of friends who have left the homosexual lifestyle, “What would you say to your younger self?” and this is what they shared.

Before you begin, I invite you to pray, “Holy Spirit, as I hear the hearts of these children, give me Your heart for them.”

Dear 8-year-old,

Just because the colorful, vibrant and visually satisfying toys in the ‘girls’ aisle’ at the toy store (Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony) appeal to you more than the drab and boring toys that boys your age are ‘supposed’ to like (Hot Wheels, GI Joe, Tonka), does not make you gay, it makes you creative and perhaps tender-hearted, neither of which is a bad thing.

Just because you’re not necessarily athletically fit and have a dislike for sports (completely) also does not make you gay, you are fearlessly and wonderfully created by Jesus, which makes you very special.

I’m sorry you feel like you have to hide these facts, I know you hide a lot from your mom and dad in fear that you’ll get in trouble for liking ‘girly’ things. If only your parents knew how to talk to you and discover why you like these things, then they might understand your mind a little more. Perhaps your mom and dad are scared to talk about this with you because they’re afraid of what others might think about you, their firstborn son. It doesn’t make it right, but maybe they were never taught how to become good parents, but I promise they tried their best.

And just because you don’t enjoy looking at the dirty videos and magazines that your dad hides around the house and that your friends and cousins enjoy doesn’t make you gay either. You don’t even know that you’re too young to be seeing this garbage anyways. You love your mom so much, and you know how much pain she feels when she finds your dad’s nasty videos, you respect her and women so much. So don’t think of yourself as not a normal boy just because you don’t like seeing women being degraded so much, it makes you a very respectful young man. The characteristics you possess make you so special to Jesus. He doesn’t see your mannerisms as flamboyant. He sees them as being charismatic and exuberant. What others see as boisterous, He sees as bold and creative. Your fun and colorful clothing preferences aren’t sissy-ish; it just means you have a flair for fun fashion. And your sensitivity doesn’t define you as a boy or girl; it’s what makes your heart so unique.

Lastly, I wish you were old enough to realize that your dad was never shown any love or affection from his dad, so he doesn’t know how to show you these things in return. You don’t need the affection of other boys or men to validate you or make you complete, because Jesus is the only Father’s love you will ever need. So, embrace your uniqueness, it doesn’t make you gay at all, it makes you, YOU, a precious child of God. Love yourself kiddo, as I love you finally now.


Your 38-year-old self

Dear Younger Me,
It is very important that you realize how profound your family dysfunction was and how Satan used that dysfunction to plant these seeds of homosexuality in your mind from a very young age.
Dear Little C,

I want you to tell Jesus everything, bro. He can help you. Being confused is not normal and it is not okay, but it will not be forever. No matter what you WILL survive. I want you to live. You will be loved one day and will have friends and the family you long for.

Dear 13-year-old,
Your body is alright. You are just a late bloomer. I know how embarrassed you were when the girls at school declared over you ‘a bird without feathers.’ The boys at school continuously talk about their private parts and masturbating. However, you feel like a boy, so you imagine how a body is supposed to look like for a fully grown man or a fully developed woman. I’m sorry that no adults gave you a personalized sex talk, while you are curious. I’m sorry that a trusted adult led you to the world of pornography. Your family made a fatal decision to put a desktop computer and a door with a lock in your room. I’m sorry that you found out hardcore porn very early on and then you got addicted to it. I know you just want to be a man. You want people to approve your manhood. You want a mature man to teach you about attraction, relationship, and sex without embarrassment. Your body is alright. Your body has value. It is bought with a price. So, stop comparing your body to a porn star. And stop gaining approval from the men and women on the screen!

Love, Me (as a 29-year-old)

Dear Little CJ,
It’s ok to go to your pastor and get help; he won’t throw you out or condemn you. You don’t need to have sex with men, Cecil. It will be ok, Cecil. Fall in love with Jesus. God does love you, and it is a total lie that you believe God hates you; it’s a complete lie. It will be ok. Change does come. God’s with you. He is faithful no matter what.

Dear Little SS,
The best advice I could have given my old self would be to trust in God’s love and not run away from Him. Believe that He couldn’t love me anymore or any less than He always had and to see that my sin was not the worst sin ever, nor did it mean that God couldn’t love me. I would have said value yourself for who you are, not what you are doing. Forgive those who hurt you and trust that God is the perfect Father. I would encourage her to take things with God one day at a time and know that He will help you sort out the confusion of feelings and hurts. God really does love and value you. He wants you to recognize that your identity is in Him. He won’t push you too hard and understands your temptations and your fears. Right now, He is standing there with His arms wide open waiting for you to run into them, but if you want to take a small, tentative step towards Him, that’s OK too. He’s got all the time in the world for you because you are His precious daughter.

Dear younger me,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made and perfect the way you are. You may need some polishing in certain areas, but there is a God who can help you that. Don’t run from Him or think He doesn’t love you because of the way you feel about yourself.

Love, AP

Dear Me,
Being sexually assaulted was not your fault. Being born a girl was God’s plan. Mom and Dad loved you as a special girl. Sometimes when kids grow up, they have phases where they question everything around them which is normal. He will give you help to grow into the woman that He has designed you to be.

Love, Big LA

Dear Little B,
I know that men have hurt you deeply… I know that you think you are ugly and dirty and used, but there is a Man who is not like any man that you have ever known. His love is so clean and pure and Holy, free of manipulation and perversion. If you are willing to come with me, I would like to introduce you to Him, and you could talk to Him about the hurt and anger that is in your heart. You will find that He understands, and He will take ALL that pain that you are carrying on the inside of you and relieve you of it. He will show you how to give your hatred and anger for men over to Him. You can be honest about what your heart is feeling whether good or bad. He will show you that you are a woman of great VALUE. You will find that He is the Friend that you have been longing for and the One that you had thought that you would find when you were with your different lovers. He is the One that will never lie to you or betray you or speak evil of you. Come, Little One, and learn about Him. He is the most gentle Man you will ever know. He will help you to see yourself through His eyes and that He has a very special plan for your life.


In this one-hour video, I will introduce you to the proposed education system curriculum on redefining gender and will break down the language for parents. I will also give you a greater awareness of how the seeds of gender identities are planted and how the Body of Christ should be positioned, not against, but for something.

Let the Children Fly – YouTube


I am not seeking to offend anyone with this, nor am I turning this into a debate, but I believe that the following story is KEY to understanding the NECESSITY of communicating LOVE to our children. 

Years ago, I led a small group with a friend I had known for years. I adored him and felt like he was my brother. One day he announced to me that he struggled with same-sex thoughts. I was dumbfounded; how could a man who loved and obeyed Jesus struggle with something so profoundly and I did not know of it before as his friend? Something in my heart demanded a breakthrough to understand his journey. I remember him telling me that his mom and dad were the best parents ever and that they loved their four kids passionately. The dad, however, never spoke his love language. The other kids shared the language of quality time, and the dad was excellent at that, but my friend’s language was touch, and his dad was not a touchy-feely kind of guy. He explained that as a child, he longed to be held, touched, kissed, patted on the back – just touched by his dad – and he never got it. He explained how he was almost obsessed with being touched by a man as a child. When he entered his hormonal teen years, he would find himself fantasizing, not about sex with another male, but about a man’s strong arms or big chest and what it would feel like to embrace them. The enemy will use anything, and soon, as his hormones were raging, confusion began to wage war, and he found himself moving inch-by-inch into sexual thoughts about another man. At that point, he had never acted on it, but it was a daily battle to control his longing to be held and touched by a man. 

Do you want to know what the saddest thing about this story is? Think about those struggling with these desires, and what happens to a person when they finally share their deepest secret with the parent from whom they long for love? They get rejected and stamped as unacceptable. And guess what that fuels? Their need and longing for love. Love matters!


Children who grow up with the wrong voices inside their mental bubble carry them around for years, shaping who they become. We can empower our children to reject lies and protect who God designed them to be. Proverbs 4:23.


This story broke my heart when I heard it, and I haven’t been able to shake it. A young man was raised with legalistic parents. He went into the homosexual lifestyle and was cut off from every family member for not renouncing his ungodly lifestyle. He is in the midst of writing a book about his journey, which includes being raped as a small boy but never telling anyone. This I know for sure. After the rape, he acted out the splinters in his heart, as our bodies are not wired to hold onto that type of trauma. He was most likely angry, defiant, aggressive, rude, and/or withdrawn, yet was met with parents who had a high value for outward behavior. Could you imagine for a moment what it is like for a child to endure such brutal agony and then be spanked, isolated, or rejected while trying to process it? My heart screams out for children to be HEARD and for parents to understand what is happening inside their hearts. Our online class is not a product I am selling. It is a lifeline to HELP parents see and help their children. You cannot afford NOT to be empowered and equipped. Your children need to know you have the answers and tools to help them.


Mom of three shares: “I loved how this teaching exposed the strategy of the enemy and the current cultural and spiritual battle going on around the issue of gender and identity. I have been feeling these things for a long time in our culture and in many of my relationships but haven’t had the clarity to really understand the underlying forces at play until this course. So many great tools for helping my children and any lies or struggles they may face as well as walking in grace and truth with my co-workers and friends who still need the invitation to freedom and encounter with Jesus. And beyond the amazing tools, I also feel a new passionate fire within me to bring this revealed strategy of Heaven into my home, workplace, and church!” 


Are you concerned about all of the gender confusion and what it means for your child? Does talking about it make you feel intimidated? Are you unsure of how to respond to those around you? Not only do we need to start conversations, but we also need to become empowered so that we can enter the discussion with our children to empower them to walk in gender stability.