I asked a group of friends who have left the homosexual lifestyle, “What would you say to your younger self?” and this is what they shared.
Before you begin, I invite you to pray, “Holy Spirit, as I hear the hearts of these children, give me Your heart for them.”
Just because the colorful, vibrant and visually satisfying toys in the ‘girls’ aisle’ at the toy store (Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony) appeal to you more than the drab and boring toys that boys your age are ‘supposed’ to like (Hot Wheels, GI Joe, Tonka), does not make you gay, it makes you creative and perhaps tender-hearted, neither of which is a bad thing.
Just because you’re not necessarily athletically fit and have a dislike for sports (completely) also does not make you gay, you are fearlessly and wonderfully created by Jesus, which makes you very special.
I’m sorry you feel like you have to hide these facts, I know you hide a lot from your mom and dad in fear that you’ll get in trouble for liking ‘girly’ things. If only your parents knew how to talk to you and discover why you like these things, then they might understand your mind a little more. Perhaps your mom and dad are scared to talk about this with you because they’re afraid of what others might think about you, their firstborn son. It doesn’t make it right, but maybe they were never taught how to become good parents, but I promise they tried their best.
And just because you don’t enjoy looking at the dirty videos and magazines that your dad hides around the house and that your friends and cousins enjoy doesn’t make you gay either. You don’t even know that you’re too young to be seeing this garbage anyways. You love your mom so much, and you know how much pain she feels when she finds your dad’s nasty videos, you respect her and women so much. So don’t think of yourself as not a normal boy just because you don’t like seeing women being degraded so much, it makes you a very respectful young man. The characteristics you possess make you so special to Jesus. He doesn’t see your mannerisms as flamboyant. He sees them as being charismatic and exuberant. What others see as boisterous, He sees as bold and creative. Your fun and colorful clothing preferences aren’t sissy-ish; it just means you have a flair for fun fashion. And your sensitivity doesn’t define you as a boy or girl; it’s what makes your heart so unique.
Lastly, I wish you were old enough to realize that your dad was never shown any love or affection from his dad, so he doesn’t know how to show you these things in return. You don’t need the affection of other boys or men to validate you or make you complete, because Jesus is the only Father’s love you will ever need. So, embrace your uniqueness, it doesn’t make you gay at all, it makes you, YOU, a precious child of God. Love yourself kiddo, as I love you finally now.
Your 38-year-old self
Dear Younger Me,
It is very important that you realize how profound your family dysfunction was and how Satan used that dysfunction to plant these seeds of homosexuality in your mind from a very young age.
Dear Little C,
I want you to tell Jesus everything, bro. He can help you. Being confused is not normal and it is not okay, but it will not be forever. No matter what you WILL survive. I want you to live. You will be loved one day and will have friends and the family you long for.
Your body is alright. You are just a late bloomer. I know how embarrassed you were when the girls at school declared over you ‘a bird without feathers.’ The boys at school continuously talk about their private parts and masturbating. However, you feel like a boy, so you imagine how a body is supposed to look like for a fully grown man or a fully developed woman. I’m sorry that no adults gave you a personalized sex talk, while you are curious. I’m sorry that a trusted adult led you to the world of pornography. Your family made a fatal decision to put a desktop computer and a door with a lock in your room. I’m sorry that you found out hardcore porn very early on and then you got addicted to it. I know you just want to be a man. You want people to approve your manhood. You want a mature man to teach you about attraction, relationship, and sex without embarrassment. Your body is alright. Your body has value. It is bought with a price. So, stop comparing your body to a porn star. And stop gaining approval from the men and women on the screen!
Love, Me (as a 29-year-old)
Dear Little CJ,
It’s ok to go to your pastor and get help; he won’t throw you out or condemn you. You don’t need to have sex with men, Cecil. It will be ok, Cecil. Fall in love with Jesus. God does love you, and it is a total lie that you believe God hates you; it’s a complete lie. It will be ok. Change does come. God’s with you. He is faithful no matter what.
Dear Little SS,
The best advice I could have given my old self would be to trust in God’s love and not run away from Him. Believe that He couldn’t love me anymore or any less than He always had and to see that my sin was not the worst sin ever, nor did it mean that God couldn’t love me. I would have said value yourself for who you are, not what you are doing. Forgive those who hurt you and trust that God is the perfect Father. I would encourage her to take things with God one day at a time and know that He will help you sort out the confusion of feelings and hurts. God really does love and value you. He wants you to recognize that your identity is in Him. He won’t push you too hard and understands your temptations and your fears. Right now, He is standing there with His arms wide open waiting for you to run into them, but if you want to take a small, tentative step towards Him, that’s OK too. He’s got all the time in the world for you because you are His precious daughter.
Dear younger me,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made and perfect the way you are. You may need some polishing in certain areas, but there is a God who can help you that. Don’t run from Him or think He doesn’t love you because of the way you feel about yourself.
Being sexually assaulted was not your fault. Being born a girl was God’s plan. Mom and Dad loved you as a special girl. Sometimes when kids grow up, they have phases where they question everything around them which is normal. He will give you help to grow into the woman that He has designed you to be.
Love, Big LA
Dear Little B,
I know that men have hurt you deeply… I know that you think you are ugly and dirty and used, but there is a Man who is not like any man that you have ever known. His love is so clean and pure and Holy, free of manipulation and perversion. If you are willing to come with me, I would like to introduce you to Him, and you could talk to Him about the hurt and anger that is in your heart. You will find that He understands, and He will take ALL that pain that you are carrying on the inside of you and relieve you of it. He will show you how to give your hatred and anger for men over to Him. You can be honest about what your heart is feeling whether good or bad. He will show you that you are a woman of great VALUE. You will find that He is the Friend that you have been longing for and the One that you had thought that you would find when you were with your different lovers. He is the One that will never lie to you or betray you or speak evil of you. Come, Little One, and learn about Him. He is the most gentle Man you will ever know. He will help you to see yourself through His eyes and that He has a very special plan for your life.